16 Insane Things Men Should Stop Thinking Women Do, Because We Don't

by Lauren Martin

Women and men will forever remain a mystery to one another. No matter how many “Entourage” or “Sex and The City” episodes we watch, we’ll never truly understand the inner workings of the opposite sex.

Because deep down, past all the games and the sex, there are deep-rooted misunderstandings that many times resonate in oppressive stereotypes.

These stereotypes have been hindering women (and men) for centuries and it’s time these false impressions were cleared up, once and for all.

It’s time men stop pinning women to unattainable standards and looking at them in fantasy-filled dreams of pillow fights and aprons.

It’s time men stop thinking women are one way, when they’re clearly nothing like that at all. Because women today are unlike women ever before. Well, women have always had talent and brains, but weren’t always given a place to showcase them.

Some women may fit the molds men created in their minds, programmed by too much lesbian porn and one too many Playboy Bunny interviews. But in reality, most women are about as far from the Playboy Bunny as the next man.

We have ambitions, hobbies and dreams that supersede the stereotypes that men put us in long ago. We are complex creatures with habits, tendencies and ideals that men will never understand unless we finally start explaining them.

So here are all the things that women don't do that guys need to stop thinking we do.

Only have emotional sex

Contrary to popular belief, women do not fall in love with every man they sleep with. They are capable of having carefree sex as much as the next guy and if you don’t believe us, then don’t worry, we won’t bother trying it on you.

Have multiple orgasms... Or any at all

The idea that we climax at all is enough of a stretch. Most women aren’t fulfilled the first time, so what makes you think you have the power to give us multiple orgasms?

Think about only you while having sex

We have our own slideshow that comes up, the same way you do. You have Miranda Kerr or Gisele Bündchen, we have Tom Brady and Brad Pitt.

We think about our own array of men we'd rather be sleeping with. Don't worry, you're not the only ones with a fantasy roster.

Have pillow fights with our best friends

There are plenty of reasons women don't have pillow fights. First, it can hurt. Second, it's not that fun. Third, if it’s goose down feathers, then we just ruined an expensive pillow and made a huge mess.

Do you really think that’s the kind of stuff we enjoy doing while alone?

Love chick flicks

Some women, yes. Women who don’t buy into the Nicholas Sparks Disney Land fantasy, however, are in another category. Contrary to popular belief, some women do know the theme song of "Rocky" and the plight of the Corleone family.

Act like a bitch every time we get our periods

If we acted like a bitch every time we got our periods that would mean wasting three months a year being a bitch. Don’t you think we have other things to use our bitchiness on? There are only so many things a woman can bitch over and periods are not one of them.

Share vibrators

That’s gross. Women aren’t gross, vaginas aren’t gross, but sharing a vibrator between two women is gross. You wouldn’t share your hand with another guy, would you?

Envision our lives as housewives

Yes, some of us do want to be wives and mothers. But not all of us sit around dreaming of the house with the white picket fence and perfect wedding.

Some of us imagine career goals and success beyond our wildest dreams. Some of us think about money and power… the same way as men.

Look for rich men

While some of us may chase wealth, a lot of us aren’t impressed with thick wallets and private planes. While they are nice to enjoy and we wouldn’t deny the offer if approached, not every woman is looking for the next richest man.

Kiss and tell

Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. You’d be surprised how many secrets a woman carries. There are numerous hookups she not only won’t tell her friends about, but refuses to tell herself actually happened. We’re great at forgetting.

Accept a free drink then ignore you

We didn’t ask you to buy us a drink. You offered to buy us a drink. Just because you offered doesn’t mean we have to stand next to you all night, proving our worth.

Most women would rather buy their own drinks than deal with the burden that comes from having one bought for them.

Don’t answer texts just to be a bitch

We don’t respond to your texts the same reason you don’t respond to ours. We’re just not into it. That doesn’t mean we’re mean, cold-hearted or spiteful bitches.

It usually just means you’ve gotten to the point of obnoxious, and we don’t feel the need to dignify it with a simple text.

Avoid calories at all costs

Some women like to eat. Some women can eat certain men under the table. Some women don't care if you think they're curvy, thick or plump.

Some women like food as much as men and they won't starve themselves to give in to some contrived notion that beautiful women only eat celery.

Think every guy is the one

I'm not sure when this notion came into play, but not every woman thinks the next guy she talks to will be her husband. Not ever woman imagines white gowns and ringing bells after a first date.

Women are rational creatures and many times we know before the guy does that this just isn't meant to be.

Hate all other women

It’s safe to say we hate other men as much as we hate other women. We're equal opportunity haters. We never hate someone based solely on their gender, but rather how they act towards us.

Choose the good guy

Some of us choose the good guys, some of us go for the bad guys. There's no telling what kind of guy we'll pick just like there's no telling what kind of woman you want.

Everyone's got a preference and let's just say the bad guy gets more than enough love.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It