20 Things Every Girl Does When She Wants To Hook Up With A Coworker
There's no greater thrill than having a work crush.
It's half the reason you haul ass to the office every morning. The less-important other half is a paycheck.
Your eye candy motivates you to wash your hair and actually attend company happy hour.
That man or lady candy is also straight-up the least attainable person in your life. Whether it's your ultra-hot boss or the new babe in marketing, you can look but absolutely can't touch.
That's also what makes your crush so f*cking attractive.
Even though you can't exactly lock yourself in the broom closet with your paramour, you've definitely been trying to capture his or her attention by any means necessary.
1. You spend a suspicious amount of time by the water cooler.
Even though you know he's the only one who can really quench your thirst.
2. You track the time she usually gets lunch.
Anything to be trapped in the elevator with her.
3. You leave a jar of his favorite candy by your desk. It's an excuse to talk to him while he stuffs his face.
"How about you try some of my extra special candy, next?"
4. You figure out her bathroom schedule so you can run into her at the sinks.
“Fancy meeting you here!"
5. You watch Drake GIFs all day so as to avoid staring at him excessively.
If you can't thirst over the hottie junior executive, you can at least get your panties in a twist over Champagne Papi.
6. You plan each work outfit as intensely as you would plan for a date.
“He wore a purple tie yesterday, so maybe that means he likes purple? Does that mean I should wear purple? I should definitely wear purple."
7. You only get half your work done every day.
Sorry, there are more important tasks at hand. They include both staring at the back of her head and swooning.
8. You get yelled at by your boss for being easily distracted.
“What? I'm totally paying atten — hey, handsome!"
9. You get a ton of exercise just from walking past her desk over and over again.
Hey, that's one way to get your heart racing.
10. You pray to be assigned to his team for group projects.
And when you're not, you bribe your coworker to switch.
11. You use the company computers to stalk your boo's Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn.
Cyber stalking doesn't count as stalking if it's done on a work computer, right?
12. You keep an emergency pack of breath mints at your desk, just in case.
If he ever decides to acknowledge your existence, you need to be ready.
13. You practically orgasmed when she followed you on Instagram.
That's the real G-spot, girl.
14. You discreetly tag him in all your office holiday party photos.
Not shady at all.
15. You look for any excuse to send a "friendly" email.
The water cooler is out of water, okay!
16. You've made a game plan to approach him at the next company event.
You've also acted it out in front of all your friends and any coworkers willing to listen.
17. You know everything there is to know about her. Everything.
What she eats for breakfast, what kind of coffee she drinks and, most importantly, where she hangs out on weekdays.
18. You bribed a coworker friend to tell you if he's single or not.
Sure, you might have to buy the guy lunch for a week straight, but it's a small price to pay for being absolutely sure.
19. You only ever attend work events if you're sure your work bae will attend.
Sorry, but free alcohol is not incentive enough.
20. You already have a burn book of every girl in the office who tried to talk to him.
F*ck you, Jane from accounting.