The People You Need To Drink With In Order To Bond

What’s the first thing we do when we enter a party and don’t know anyone? We grab a drink. How do we celebrate joyous occasions? We pop a bottle. Need an ice breaker at the bar? Offer her a martini.

We have this compelling theory that alcohol brings people together. Cheering over shots, slipping hand-in-hand into a drunken haze, sharing in the debauchery, and then laughing about it in the morning has all the makings of a legendary night of bonding.

The nature of partying lends itself to making new friends and enjoying someone else's company. We let our guards down and we're open to all kinds of advances. Anything can happen with anyone. The whole experience makes for a very heartfelt night -- that is until we remember why we aren't friends in the morning.

Let's give a big L'Chaim to the people we need to drink alcohol with in order to bond.

The Intimidating Co-Worker

Everyone has that one person in the office that they are petrified of, but chances are this intimidating person needs to drink more than we do. During the daytime, your conversations consist of purely business and the one time you tried to crack a joke, it failed miserably. The moment the office party hits, however, this usually reserved colleague is going all out.

After a few gin martinis, he’s your best bud, even accompanying you for an outdoor smoke sesh. The two of you will probably bond over shared hatred for the bitchy receptionist and bad cereal selection in the pantry. But don’t get too comfortable – it’s back to business on Monday.

The Sister/Brother-In-Law

Nothing seals the sibling bond like a legendary drunk time together. Sure, you two have met in the past and get along fine, but once the drunken dinner hits, you two have reached Super Pals Status. You both join in on making fun of your spouse (their sibling) and have a lot more common ground than you previously thought (who would have guessed that your sister-in-law tried acid and went topless on Spring Break?!).

The two of you will be even faster friends once the story-telling gets really juicy. And, luckily, once the alcohol fades, they’ll be considered family and have to love you no matter what.

The Shy Guy

The biggest challenge will be convincing the timid one to actually come out with the gang. He’s probably really cool when he’s out of his shell – and you know it. Once the Shy Guy commits, ensuring that he’s drunk off his ass will be your main mission.

Pretty much anything he does will be hilarious and to your liking, if only for the fact that you’ve never seen him emote before. He might not remember much the next day, so be prepared to re-bond through recapping the night for him. He’ll be grateful for the good time, and he’ll make a great addition to the team.

The Newbie

That new girl is looking very mysterious – what’s her deal? She’s a little tough to crack at first, and you don’t want to overwhelm her with questions, but you know she’s down. The solution? Shots! You quickly find out that she takes them like champ and this isn’t her first time at the rodeo. Be careful not to buddy up with her too fast; you don’t know what other kinds of crazy she’s got hiding in her wild side. But for now, drink and be merry!

The Girlfriend/Boyfriend’s Friends

It’s early enough in the relationship where you still need to make a good impression* (*side note: sometimes better not to drink in these situations) and the best way to loosen everybody up is with a stiff one. You want his friends to like you and he wants them to like you, so your best bet is to be the Champion of Beer Pong. Win at the beer pong tournament and you’ve secured your role as a clutch member of the crew.

The goal here is to make the friends think that they’d be your buddy even if you weren’t dating their best friend. Just be yourself -- everyone is just as wasted as you. There’s safety in numbers.

The Blast from the Past

An old friend from another time Facebook messages you to meet up. Assuming that they haven’t gone to rehab and became a born again Jesus lover, the plan is usually to grab a drink. You guys have definitely drunk together in the past, so the first glass is really just to break the ice. Give it twenty minutes and a beer and it’ll feel like nothing has changed. You two chums will be hammered by the end and happy you got together. Bonus – you’ll finally get the inside scoop on what happened to the douche bag in your Honors English class.

Yourself

Going through a rough time? Need to clear your head (or cloud it)? Sometimes – if you don’t smoke weed – the road to introspection begins with a strong rum and coke. Getting down and dirty with your emotions comes easily after throwing back a few. Sure, it’s kind of awkward to get wasted alone, but every so often it’s okay to make that bottle of wine disappear on its own. Don’t discredit the merits of a nice evening with your roommates: Gin and Tonic.

Top Photo Courtesy of Favim