The Actual Difference Between The Men Of Our Dreams And The Men Of Our Reality

by Lauren Martin

I love men. I love the way they smell, the way they talk, the way they trim their beards and hold their whiskey. I love the way they sit in chairs and the way they never ask for directions.

Lately, however, I’ve been having a hard time finding more qualities that redeem the men I will forever adore, scorn and chase on my quest to the perfect man; instead, I've discovered more qualities that disappoint and continue to disillusion me when it comes to the existence of the man of my dreams.

Of course, stating that I think an ideal man exists is naïve, and I know better than that. So let me be perfectly clear, I know that there is no such thing as the perfect man. I know that the men of our dreams are built from Hollywood scripts and idealized fantasies from childhood we just can’t seem to let go. However, I don't think it's reaching to say that the standard we have come to expect from the men of our generation is not up to par.

In a society in which Tinder and Juicy J lyrics are the modern-day cues of romance and courting, men have become content settling in a place of zero responsibility. They’ve become accustomed to treating women like objects and expecting things from women with no regard to what we expect from them.

Some of them have lowered themselves to the standard of womanizing and some practice sexism. They’ve learned that it’s okay to degrade a woman to nothing more than her parts, yet scorn her as a “slut” or “whore” when she gives into a sexual whim.

Of course, this harsh stereotype doesn’t define all men. There are men out there who are decent and who respect women as equals, while still giving them the adoration and praise they deserve.

However, this kind of guy seems to be a diamond in the rough, a needle in the haystack, a beautiful metaphor in a world of Internet lists. To put it simply, there are too few gentlemen and too many douchebags populating the dating pool and we’re tired of it.

We're tired of thinking that asking men to treat us like peers, rather than things to be conquered, is some outlandish request. When did courting become so outdated and booty calls become the only acceptable form of interaction? When did men stop treating women like ladies and not sex objects?

Let me make myself clear one more time, I know that the perfect man doesn't exist. I know that all men aren't pigs. I especially know that ranting about the way men treat women is clichéd, annoying and overdone, but I don't think there's anything wrong with comparing how we once imagined men to be when we were little girls, to the reality many of us have learned about them.

I know that living in a dreamworld is dangerous and lonely, but if asking for a man who listens when I talk rather than one who roams the room, looking for the fattest ass, is living in a dream world, then just let me keep sleeping.

Men of our dreams have charm, men of our reality have Tinder.

Men of our dreams take us to breakfast, men of our reality take us to bed.

Men of our dreams listen to us, men of our reality wait for us to finish talking.

Men of our dreams make us feel safe, men of our reality only save themselves.

Men of our dreams make us feel confident, men of reality make us feel insecure.

Men of our dreams protect us, men of our reality protect their egos.

Men of our dreams look us in the eye, men of our reality look everywhere else.

Men of our dreams say what’s on their minds, men of reality make you read between the lines.

Men of our dreams love us for our brains, men of our reality only want brain.

Men of our dreams support our passions, men of our reality only want our passion in the bedroom.

Men of our dreams remember our stories, men of our reality only make up their own.

Men of our dreams walk us home, men of our reality show us the door.

Men of our dreams sing our praises, men of our reality sing about our bodies.

Men of our dreams call us princesses, men of our reality don't call us at all.

Men of our dreams chase what they want, men of our reality want nothing but the chase.

Men of our dreams defend our honor, men of our reality honor the man with the hottest girl.

Men of our dreams hold our hands, men of our reality hold us back.

Men of our dreams appreciate us, men of our reality appreciate what we can do for them.

Men of our dreams take chances, men of our reality take opportunities.

Men of our dreams love our imperfections, men of our reality want us to be perfect.

Photo credit: GQ