The 25 Signs You're Dating A Loser

Everyone knows a loser when they see one — that is, until they’re dating one. Check out these signs that might help you figure out if you're dating a loser...

Is he a loser?

Before we start, it’s important to clarify what we mean by “loser.”

We aren’t talking about a “nerd” loser, like someone who knows all the letters in the alphabet and who has probably been plotting to kill us for years of torment in high school. No, we are talking about those degenerate, unemployed, starter-cap wearing, no-hope bums who still live at home with their parents, yet inexplicably manage to date hot girls.

Friends Don't Let Friends Date Losers

Despite being told endlessly by everyone around them, its amazing how girls often develop a case of “loser denial” when dating a bona fide loser. Sometimes, people just don’t want to look in the mirror and see the truth – kind of like how Cameron Diaz refuses to believe she is no longer her 20s (or 30s, for that matter). Girls, you’d never let your friend get behind the wheel when drunk, so don’t let a loser get behind her in the bedroom.

Legacy Loser

Often, girls are stuck with a loser due to personal history. It’s amazing how quickly the cool “bad boy” becomes the not-so-cool carwash attendant. It might be that this guy became a loser so gradually that no one realized until it was too late. Either way, it’s time to show him and his greasy ponytail the exit.

25 Signs You Are Dating A Loser

1. He cut his drug habit back to just pot, meth and occasionally, sniffing paint.

[insert pot smoker image]

2. His resume includes his high score from "Call of Duty" or lists “swagger” as a key skill.

3. He has been banned from the zoo.

4. He is considering getting a second neck tattoo.

5. He has his own pad… in his parents' basement.

6. He was good at math until they added in the alphabet.

7. For him, “dressing up” means putting on pants.

8. He is of legal driving age, yet still rides a skateboard.

9. He is over the age of 25 and trying to get his “band” going.

10. He says he’s “too smart” to get caught by the cops.

11. He was surprised to learn that the dinosaurs in "Jurassic Park" weren’t real.

12. Is txt spk lik dis da way he rites normly?

13. He is a cast member of “Jersey Shore.”

14. He looks like or dresses like a “Jersey Shore” cast member.

15. He lives on the Jersey Shore.

16. He has he been to Jersey Shore.

[insert Jersey Shore image]

17. He is the kind of guy who won’t watch “Hot and Horny Housewives 3” because he was concerned he wouldn’t be able to follow the plot because he hadn’t seen 1 or 2 yet.

18. He has “won” the Nigerian lottery.

19. He uses the phrase “YOLO.”

20. He speaks like Jesse Pinkman.

21. He has it “pretty sweet” at Burger King.

[insert burger king image]

22. He barks and growls when he sees his own reflection.

23. He promised you a fresh start once he gets parole.

24. He’s still “chilling" at high school parties.

25. He wrote “He’s An Asshole Anyway” (just kidding, those guys are awesome).

Oh No, I'm Dating A Loser

It’s ok – we’ll get through this together. If you indeed are dating a loser, you need to rapidly reassess your relationship status. To start, you should consider changing it from "in a relationship" to "has a restraining order." A detox bath is also highly recommended.

Losers Don't Change Their Spots

You should never make excuses for a loser or think that you can "fix" him. It’s not your job and more importantly, it’s impossible. Losers never ever change or improve themselves; it’s one of the key skills required of being a loser!

You should invest your time and love in someone who is worthwhile and makes you happy. If his mom couldn’t sort his out life in 20 odd years, what chance do you have?

Don't Get Hung Up On A Loser

If for some reason, this degenerate dumped you, then he has absolutely done you a favor. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that he is somehow more appealing now because he rejected you.

Don’t waste your time — not even a second — on a loser. Quite frankly, he isn’t worth it.

Oh and if a friend has forwarded you this article – read it again, very carefully.

Photo credit: WENN