Prefer listening to your headphones instead of someone else talking? Are your cell phone and a steady job the only things you want to hold? Congratulations lady, you should be single and proud!
You don’t need someone else to tell you your outfit is too revealing -- you’ve got a mirror for that! You don’t need a partner to suggest a movie -- that’s what the Internet is for! And there’s no one offering to pick you up before the party because who really has time for that extra step? Not you, party-of-one. You’re a girl-on-the-go and you won’t be caught.
Because being single is more than just unaccounted for condoms and daydreams about Penelope Cruz Bradley Cooper naked -- it’s a special relationship with yourself (and your pizza delivery guy) that can’t be replicated when someone else is in the picture.
A partner can take care of you, but so can alcohol. He might pay for your dinner, though you’ll be paying for it in other ways. You know you’re better than routine sex and comparing yourself to other couples.
Here are the signs it’s time to cross over and finally admit that you should be single and proud!
1. You prefer spending your money on yourself
You didn’t sit in front of a computer for 40 hours this week just to watch someone else eat a lobster when it’s not even the season.
Same goes for the presents that you know will find a lovely home in the back of the closet. Save your money for when you want to spend it on someone really, really special. Like yourself.
2. You’re attract(ed/ive) to a lot of people
That’s the thing about sex with other people -- it’s only considered cheating if you had to tell someone else you wouldn’t. When you’re single, the only person you’re cheating on is your diet.
3. You still like doing gross sh*t
You’re just not ready to give up peeing in the shower for someone else to join you in it (but really, has that ever stopped you?). If your potential partner knew how much you love drinking straight from the carton, he’d think twice about the murky cereal milk.
4. You don’t care about other people’s opinions
You don’t like conferring with someone else before you make a decision -- your science lab partner can attest to this fact.
You don’t need a secondary opinion to validate your choices, like if you want to get into that sketchy limo on a rainy day, you will! And you definitely don’t care what people have to say about you being single, so you might as well keep on embracing it.
5. You love embarrassing yourself
Being wickedly inappropriate is your specialty and one of the rare things you excel at. Dancing like you’re going to injure yourself.
Walking around with your skirt tucked into your panties. You’re not about to let all that go just to have someone cuddle you in bed. You’ve got a body pillow that will do just fine.
6. You have awesomely bad taste in music and film
You can’t have a boyfriend and the ability to watch “Summer Catch” at the same time. Netflix debates get a whole lot more heated.
He won’t listen to Taylor Swift on your road trip up North. And he’s not down to listen to the remix. He’s going to give you an ultimatum: him or the "Housewives" and guess who’s getting her own spinoff…
7. The court ordered you
That’s what happens when you’re a danger to yourself.
8. You have hobbies
Guess who takes number one priority when you have a boyfriend? He does. You know how you love shopping? There’s a lot less to buy in the men’s department. Enjoy volunteering? Try volunteering for a blowjob.
Your hobbies take a backseat in order to make time for a new person. And you don’t want to trade in tennis for tonsil hockey.
9. You actually like going out
Winter is over, which means it’s time to break out of hibernation and resume your social life and outdoor happy hours again.
Having a boyfriend was pretty clutch for the cold, snowy nights when all you wanted to do was cuddle and binge on chocolate-covered almonds. Now that the season has changed, so have your dating habits. Time to bloom, bish.
10. You’re already in a committed relationship
It’s called "Putting Me First" and it’s been treating you right for over 20 years. You love her and she loves you back. And that’s the most compelling reason you don’t need anyone else.