12 Texts You Know You’ll Send The Morning After New Year's Eve

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You know you need to reevaluate your life when you and your friends watch “The Hangover” and aren’t too weirded out by what happens the morning after.

Okay, maybe that’s a bit of a stretch. After all, none of us woke up with a random baby or had a run-in with Mike Tyson.

Still, there are a handful of nights a year when my friends and I allow ourselves to get up to all sorts of drunken debauchery.

Our favorite, though, has always been New Year’s Eve.

Everyone is in a different state of mind on New Year’s.

Suddenly, even the most pessimistic loonies are optimistic again.

We all look forward to a fresh year, and our favorite way to celebrate is with plenty of alcohol.

All that booze lends itself to a sh*tshow of a night. It also leads to some great texting fodder for the next morning.

Here’s what to expect.

1. To the group text with all your BFFs:

“Is everyone alive?"

2. To your work wife:

“Please don’t tell me your midnight kiss was Jeremy from accounting."

3. To your mom:

“Yeah, I just stayed home and ordered pizza last night."

4. To the friend who ditched you last minute because she was "sick:"

“HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE. I DIDN’T KNOW ANYONE AND MY ONLY FRIEND WAS THE DOG."

5. To the friend who got drunk way before midnight:

“How’s the toilet treating ya?"

6. To the hot guy you wanted to make your midnight kiss:

“Hope you had fun last night!"

7. To the creepy, probably-a-serial-killer friend of a friend who actually became your kissing partner:

“Please delete my number."

8. To last night’s host:

“Have you seen my Tweety Bird socks?"

9. To your Uber driver:

“Sorry for puking in your car."

10. To the ex you totally drunk-dialed last night:

"Sorry."

“Also, your new girlfriend looks like ass."

11. To the rando who sent you a mass “Happy New Year" text:

“Who the f*ck is this?"

12. To your best friend:

“I’m never drinking again."