In a world where only a finite amount of women are allowed to soar to the top, it seems like competing is our only option. But what we are failing to realize is that our constant need to compete is fueling the fire to a war against ourselves.
Women are well aware of woman-on-woman crime and competition. We've all experienced that pitting feeling in our stomach when the "pretty girl" was elected class president, or when Ms. Perfect swiped that promotion right from underneath our feet. When we meet intimidating women, our first instinct is to stay away from them. But what if we did the opposite?
Instead of gearing up for battle when we meet an intimidating (read: impressive) woman, we should be befriending one another to get to the top together. This is called the "Shine Theory."
Here are five reasons you should completely embrace the woman you originally found intimidating as one of your closest friends:
1. Kelly Rowland And Beyoncé
Ann Friedman from "The Cut" dropped some serious knowledge about this crazy thing she calls the Shine Theory. Heed her advice.
In her article, Friedman compares Rowland and Beyoncé. Rowland has been resentful of Bey's success since their days in Destiny's Child, which caused her to have a major breakdown on stage while preforming her single “Dirty Laundry” in Washington, DC.
You do not want to be freaking out about how much you think you suck, when in reality you don't actually suck at all. It's not a happy life.
2. Self-hate gets you nowhere.
When you really sit down and think about it, all of the nasty things we say about other women who seem like they have it all together are just negative feelings we have about our own lives. There is no need for a ranking system. It only makes matters worse for everyone. Not only do you feel like sh*t when you cut someone else down due to your own insecurities, but also that person can feel your hostile attitude. And it's not comfortable for them, either.
Put yourself in her shoes (without thinking "Oh, I could fit into her perfect, tiny shoes") and be real with me for a second here. This woman could be an awesome friend. The two of you could rule the world. You just have to throw away that nasty ass attitude you have and embrace the fact that you are just as good as anyone else sitting in the break room.
3. "If you don't shine, I don't shine."
Friedman makes several life-changing points in her article on this little phrase she's created. The first being that you are who you hang out with. If there's a woman out there who is awesome and you become her friend, then the awesomeness between the two of you will just be impossible for employers to ignore. So much so, in fact, they'll have to hire you both. This means her amazing contacts become your amazing contacts, and vice versa.
4. You'll feel an unprecedented amount of confidence.
Despite what you may think, befriending an intimidating woman will completely boost your confidence. You'll see how confident she is, and soon enough you'll be doing the same thing. Sometimes it takes someone else to convince us we're good enough.
Keep in mind that I am not referring to the Regina Georges or the Cady Herons of the world, however. Remember when the girl says, "I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops?" You don't want to be that girl.
Befriending a confident woman and becoming confident in yourself does not involve losing your identity. Just like any romantic relationship, you should be a complete, self-actualized person without your friends. You can live without them, but you choose to have them in your life.
5. You'll finally be comfortable with yourself.
After years of resentment and constantly comparing herself to Beyoncé, Rowland said Beyoncé listened to “Dirty Laundry,” and you know what? She was proud. Rowland said, “She heard how real I was and was like, 'I'm so proud of you.'”
So, ladies. If Kelly Rowland can realize that she shines MORE instead of less because of her closeness to Beyoncé, then there is hope for all of us.