You Can Still Say No: Why You Can Always Get Out Of A Hookup
If you’re a girl in your 20s, chances are you’ve made a few mistakes while mixing alcohol with the opposite sex. Everyone does, right?
As a girl who is generally tired of making mistakes that have direct consequences on her self-esteem, I’ve been doing my best to avoid hooking up with people, especially people I hardly know.
I’ve definitely had my fair share of awkward mornings. I’ve looked at the person beside me and realized I would soon have to mutter mindless small talk, worrying if there was makeup all over my face and knowing I had no toothbrush. Gross.
Here’s how the night usually goes: You go out with some friends for a few drinks and hit it off with a guy. Shots are taken -- fireball, tequila, etc. -- and, before you know it, you’re drunk.
Not so drunk that you feel like you are out of control, but drunk enough to forget why being in control is important. Next thing you know, you are going back to an apartment with someone you hardly know.
You’re in his bed with half of your clothes off, and you can’t tell if you’re spinning because you drank so much or because you are totally into it.
But wait; there’s a voice in your head that keeps getting louder. It’s making you more anxious. You suddenly realize that tomorrow you are going to wake up and regret this. All at once a switch goes off in your mind that tells you this is the wrong decision.
So you start stalling; you weigh the options of getting up and leaving, knowing that this guy is going to be mad at you or possibly react violently. Should you stay and just get it over with?
It sounds awful, but sometimes it seems easier to just stay to get it over with. After all, the guy bought a bunch of drinks, it was a ton of fun up until now, and he seems like pretty okay guy.
There’s also a struggle because you know you made the decision of going to his apartment, getting in his bed and going along with foreplay until now.
Should you feel guilty about saying no? Tell him to stop?
The answer is, it doesn’t matter if you should feel guilty or not; you still need to follow the voice in your head that tells you this is wrong.
Now, hopefully, you won’t be in a situation where things are violent. I cannot speak to the situation of violence, but I can say there may be some backlash at this point.
If your experience is anything like mine, he will start calling you names and telling you how crazy you are. He will try to tell you that you have no ride home. He will try anything to get you to stay, to feel guilty, to feel bad about yourself.
Although I made choices to put myself in that position -- going to the bar, getting drunk and going home with someone I hardly knew --, it does not mean I must go along with it, feeling uncomfortable and perceiving it as damaging to my self-esteem. You shouldn’t, either.
If your goal is to love yourself and to take care of yourself, you shouldn’t do anything that will compromise that piece of you.
I’m not trying to suggest that people should not hook up with others. If that’s your thing, go for it! I just hope females know that even if every choice they make up until the decision of having sex is a mistake, it does not mean they have to go through with the last, most important mistake.
There is still the power to say no, regardless of how many drinks he bought or how much he spent on the cab ride home.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It