I think Adam Levine's engagement yesterday was the engagement heard round the world. I haven't checked statistics yet, but I'm pretty sure women committed suicide or did something drastic to mourn the "death" of the hump they'll never have.
Since we don't f*ck with married men, today is the perfect time to honor Adam Levine as our hump day hump of the day. First and foremost, Adam, we want to congratulate you on your engagement! Here's one piece of advice before you get married: PLEASE DON'T DO IT.
Here are all the reasons why we want to hump you, which also serve as reasons why you shouldn't go through with this marriage.
You don't mind spending everyday out on the corner in the pouring rain.
You managed to cover your body in tattoos and avoid looking trashy.
You sing the song that every overly-emotional girl listens to while she drowns her sorrows in Ben & Jerry's.
You're taken now, which unfortunately makes you all the more desirable.
Being a judge on "The Voice" didn't ruin your reputation with women.
I think things are moving too fast… ok fine, I LOVE YOU TOO.
Jesus H Christ.
You understand that life isn't always easy.
You've done this to us by getting engaged.
Photo credit: WENN
