Sisters Before Misters: Why I Hate Girls Who Say They Hate Girls

by Lauren Martin

Ever come across one of those girls who says she doesn’t have any girl friends because she “hates girls”? We all have. Hell, at one point or another we’ve all been that girl.

For a brief moment, we all lost ourselves in the refreshing attention of guy friends, condemning the heavy drama we’d been carrying around with our gang of girl friends.

Growing up, however, we learned drama is inevitable and men will never understand us the way women so easily will. We may fight, spread gossip and make comments about your matching denim on denim, but that’s what sisters do.

You don’t shun your sisters because there’s drama between you, just like you don’t shun all women because you’ve had a few fights with previous ones. We are not enemies. We’re not just “other women." We’re your women.

Girls are the only people who understand what you’re going through. They are the ones you can talk to about your UTI and period cramps.

They are the ones to converse with about unequal pay and sexual harassment. They are the ones who support us and give us strength. To say you hate women is to say you hate yourself.

There will always be people you don’t get along with. There will always be girls who give women a bad name, just like there are boys who give men a bad name.

There are just sh*tty people out there — men and women. But there are also amazing women out there.

And there will come a point when you will need these amazing women and yearn for the mature relationships they bring. You will want their strength and their comfort.

When the men you previously surrounded yourself with just don’t understand, when you seek the advice only a woman can give and when you stop seeking the wrong kind of approval you'll finally understand where to go for the right kind.

Because being "one of the guys" isn't an accomplishment

It’s not hard to be one of the guys. Whether you actually get along with men or you’re just pretending, there's no real accomplishment or pride in that kind of relationship.

Any woman can try to be one of the guys -- be swept up by the attention and "ease," but it's like flaunting a big house with no furniture.

The only relationships worth taking pride in are the ones with substance, the ones that are full of depth and connection -- the kind that can only come from engaging with your own kind.

The kind that will last long past when each of you gets married or finds a significant other. The kind that won’t break when they meet someone because their girlfriend doesn’t want him hanging out with another girl.

Because tearing other women down isn't the way to get a neck up

Saying you hate other women doesn’t make you a stronger one.

Not loving your own gender, your own species and your own sisters is just like biting the hand that feeds you -- the only place it will leave you is alone and hungry for some real companionship. Men will come and go, but women will always be there.

Telling them to go f*ck themselves isn't going to help you get anywhere in life. You just lost your main support group.

Because calling each other bitches makes it OK for men to do it too

If we condemn our own kind what's to keep everyone else from doing it? You can't enact change if you're preaching the opposite.

Saying you don't like women just reinforces the stigmas so many women have been fighting against for years. It's like being a traitor in a war that's being fought for your rights.

Because you need women as much as you need men

You don't need guy friends, you need girl friends. You need people to confide in, people who understand you to their core, who identify with your aches and pains.

You may have found the most gentle and kindest man, but he can't understand you on the level a woman can.

It's like trying to get love from stranger when you're family is standing right there, ready to love you unconditionally.

Because you should be proud to be a woman

Hating women is just a façade for hating yourself. How can you possibly hate the gender you're a part of? There’s no pride in being against your own people.

You should be proud to be part of such a collective group of strength, identity and womanhood.

You should support your fellow women the same way you support yourself. They are your greatest assets and your most loyal supporters. Stabbing them in the back will only drown you in blood.

Because being "cool," "strong" or "funny" isn't gender-specific

Men aren’t cooler, stronger or funnier. Men are just men. Women are your confidantes, the people whose friendship should come naturally and easily.

You should be inspired and proud of the women around you -- happy to be part of their club. You're the one with the problem if you can't fit in with them.