The gym is a place where, as soon as you put on your headphones, you can escape to your own world. Gone are the stressors weighing you down; gone are the incessant annoyances of everyday life.
This is your sanctuary, a place to take out all of your frustrations and anger -- especially because it's a whole lot safer to hit the treadmill than to hit your obnoxious coworker.
When you spend ample amounts of time in the gym, you start to notice certain things, such as the anorexic, 70-year-old woman who seems like she never separates from her bike.
You recognize the tendencies of newbies and become annoyed with their lack of understanding of the gym's unwritten rules.
How do you know if you're a gym rat? Well, you can most likely relate to a majority of these problems:
1. The worst month of your life is January.
When will people give up on their New Year's resolutions, already? This is just ridiculous! Stop taking up all the space and just leave! We all know you won't be here in a month, anyway.
2. When you use free weights, men just stare down your shirt.
You finally made the brave trek to the free weight area, a place few girls dare to go. But as soon as you bend over to do your first tricep kickback, weightlifters around you divert their attention from their bicep curls to your rack.
Since your cleavage is basically chilling on the bench, it's casually reflected in the mirror for all to see. No wonder females tend to stick to cardio machines.
3. You can justify dropping $88 on new workout leggings, but never on anything else.
It's totally acceptable to spend an absurd amount of money on workout gear, especially since you will be using it quite often.
What's the point of buying a pair of leggings for half the price if they aren't sustainable? Right? RIGHT? Right. Lululemon wearers beware: Don't wash your items with anything cotton, or you can say buh-bye to your beloved clothing.
4. Seeing a hot guy and realizing you look like a disgusting, sweaty mess...
"OMG, like, where is my foundation?!" Relax! This guy would be judging you a whole lot more if your hair were pristine and your makeup flawless. I mean, you're at the gym; you came here to sweat!
5. You become filled with anxiety about getting your go-to spot in class.
Back right corner, right next to the mirror? Girl, I see you going for it, but that's my spot! Come on now; I get it, it's your first class, but I've been attending for the past four months. See ya.
6. If I tweet that I'm at the gym, people are going to think I'm fit, right?
Wrong. People are going to think you're sitting around on social media instead of exercising. #FAIL
7. I'm hungry!
French fries, pizza, donuts, bagels, popcorn, mmmmm!! The only place I want to be running to right now is Whole Foods. Get me out of here.
8. What am I doing tonight?
How can I distract myself while doing crunches? Think of all the glorious things you have to look forward to in the night ahead. I mean, you're exercising so you can drink your calories later on anyway, right?
9. If I do 100 more crunches, I'll have a six-pack.
No, honey, you won't. You can do as many sit-ups as you like, but until you reevaluate your diet, the only six-pack in your life will be that pack of Heineken in your fridge.
10. Must. Keep. Going.
Ugh, you had a whole Domino's pizza last night to yourself? You must keep running. This is tiring… and boring. Where are the cheese fries?
11. If I flirt with this trainer, will he help me for free?
If I make nice with this guy who keeps trying to get me to sign up for personal training, will he throw in a free trial? It's worth a shot, isn't it?
12. When did scrolling through your Instagram feed become a form of exercise?
Sitting on the abduction/adduction machine while scrolling through social media is not considered exercise. Just because you're on the machine doesn't mean you are actually exercising. You actually NEED to move your legs! I know, shocking...
13. I f*cking hate this treadmill, and I hate the girl running next to me in a sports bra even f*cking more.
Thank you for rubbing it in my face that I could never hope or dream to ever achieve this. Why are you even at the gym in the first place? The day I am able to run without a shirt on is the day I skip the gym entirely.
14. Why is that girl on the elliptical for three hours?
Is she wondering why she isn't seeing results? This is a pretty big waste of time if all you're doing at the gym is cardio. Pick up the damn weights and change up your routine; only then will you see the results you want.
15. I will not leave until I feel myself stop jiggling.
There is no worse feeling than being uncomfortable in your own skin. However, one day of exercise isn't really going to change that. Keep at it until it becomes a habit; it's always easier when you get yourself into a routine.
16. Do I really want to be the one wearing a cover-up all summer?
Do you really want to be the one in group pictures wearing a sundress, when the rest of the group is rocking bikinis? I think not! Everyone will know exactly why you are opting for a cover-up.
17. I'm going to have to be naked later.
Ugh, my boyfriend is expecting me to get on top tonight, and I most certainly don't want to look like the girl who got it on with Lip in that recent episode of "Shameless." Keep on keeping on.
17. WTF is that girl wearing? Are those extensions?
Do yourself, and everyone else around, a favor by dressing appropriately at the gym. If you don't have any business going sans t-shirt and rocking just a sports bra, please don't do it.
Also, you came here to exercise, not to participate in a beauty pageant. You're supposed to look all hot and bothered; no need to apply a full face of makeup before your workout.
18. Is that her natural odor, or is it perfume?
I'm not sure whether this creature next to me straight up smells, or if she's just wearing absolutely terrible perfume? There is no need to rock perfume to the gym; deodorant is sufficient. In this type of setting, it does more harm than good. Don't be that girl.
19. Who the eff puts their sh*t in a locker without using a lock?!
If you can afford your absurdly overpriced gym membership, I think you can afford a lock for $6.95.
What happens if your belongings go missing? Doesn't that cost more to replace than the lock itself? If there are no available lockers, do you really not expect anyone to take your sh*t out and put their stuff in? You're welcome.
20. Did she just fart in my face?
Your ass is literally in the air while we are in position three in spin. I'd greatly appreciate if you wouldn't fart in my face, thank you very much.
21. What is she even doing here?
Hey, you. Yeah, girl over there reading a magazine while walking on the treadmill, you may as well just go home.
22. Please do less in the locker room… or more
Oh, and you, girl blow-drying your hair while naked: We get it! You have a nice body, but you are making all of us extremely uncomfortable. They provide free towels for a reason; embrace it.
23. Are you really going to kick me out of here for this?
Am I really getting kicked out of the gym for bringing wine in a water bottle? I brought water, too! I'm just trying to drown my sorrows and get fit, isn't that what this place is all about? Ugh, it was one time!
24. I'm about to poke my eyes out.
Jesus Christ! Why are boobs such an issue when trying to work out? At least I don't have to strap on ankle weights to increase my performance, as these five-pound sandbags essentially fly at my face. I dare someone to watch me do jumping jacks.