Way back in 2012, I watched the first episode "Girls" with my friends on the floor of our dorm room while we passed around a jar of Nutella. Essentially, we were living the same lives as Hannah and the gang.
When "Girls" debuted, Lena Dunham was 25 and the entertainment industry's newest darling. At the time, I loved the novelty of watching an HBO show with a young, female creator. I even wrote a (bad) spec script of "Girls" in my TV screenwriting class that involved Hannah trying to do stand-up comedy.
While I admire Lena Dunham and believe she's an impressive role model, I think her show is sh*t.
Just about the time a depressed Hannah had her drug dealing neighbor Laird cut her hair, I realized it: "Girls" is an awful, overrated show about terrible people who do terrible things to each other.
“Girls” is the show Millennials love to hate, and it's even designed to troll its audience occasionally. But, as a 20-something white girl living in New York City, I don't love hating it. I hate that it even got picked up in the first place.
The show fails to replicate real life so entirely that it makes dramatic tear-filled moments on "The Bachelor" feel convincing. Jessa peeing in the street? Nope. Literally anything Mimi Rose does? Still nope.
Only "Girls" makes drama seem boring.
The four-girl squad of "Girls" -- artsy Jessa, nitpicky Hannah, privileged Marnie and speed-talking Shoshanna -- make the Kardashians seem altruistic. They often guiltily hide their selfish intentions, spinning their issues to make it seem like they care about others.
A key example: When Jessa set Adam up with Mimi Rose, because she wanted to date Mimi Rose's ex-boyfriend, completely disregarding her "friendship" with Hannah. Do you have a headache yet? At least Mimi Rose's ex-boyfriend was just slyly trying to reclaim his old flame.
To me, watching the show is like listening to a group of people you don't care about talk sh*t. I just want to tune it out.
None of the characters are ever fully committed to their pursuits. Hannah gives up on being a writer. Shosh flees to Japan. Their lives don't move forward or backward. They don't know what they want. They run away. They make awful decisions and as they get older, they only get more lost.
In season four, Hannah goes to grad school in Iowa for a hot second. She quits after getting a terrible response to an offensive "apology" letter she wrote to her class. Hannah would do that.
The writers of the show must have fallen asleep writing that storyline, because she promptly returns to New York where only slightly more interesting Adam-related drama ensues.
The girls are unredeemable and unlikeable, especially as time goes on.
Two of my favorite shows of all time, "Arrested Development" and "BoJack Horseman," follow some television's most selfish characters, but they're still somehow likable. The same is not true for the characters on “Girls.”
Let's face it, Jessa, Marnie, Hannah and Shoshanna were never a dream team. The girls don't have much in common, except that they're all out of touch with the world. Even in a fictional universe, it's not okay to make a point by insulting your classmates at a party, like Hannah did. Jessa almost killed someone! Isn't that enough for the others to remove her from their lives? Truthfully, I hate Jessa the most.
Since the first season, the girls have only grown apart. What little remains of their friendship is pathetic.
They each have their own special unlikeable-ness, making it impossible for me to relate to any of them. Marnie has all the sticks up her ass. Shosh wears Pinterest-style braid buns. Hannah is a slobby crybaby. Jessa needs to get over herself.
The show flaunts the characters' flaws, and that's fine. However, there's nothing redeeming about any of them.
I never, ever want to hear the characters speak again.
If I wanted to listen to boring melodramatic conversations -- oh wait. I don't.
No one on this show listens to one another. Every time the girls have a chance to hear one another out, they re-direct the conversation to their own problems. Remember when Shosh had a sh*tty interview and talked about it for two seconds with Marnie, who immediately made her listen to her terrible song instead. Is this supposed to be riveting? I expect more from you, HBO!
What's supposed to be funny is just off-putting, like when Adam's pregnant sister and her baby daddy tried to start a threesome with Hannah. Gross.
Hannah's bike being stolen because she naively didn't lock it up could have been funny, but it was just sad. The characters are purposefully ridiculous, but that's not enough to make the show's jokes hit home.
Season 5 of "Girls" debuted Sunday, February 21, and I'm already hearing it's "better." Better shouldn't be hard, since it's already terrible.
Now, excuse me while I catch up on this week's "Bachelor."