Thank goodness Mel Gibson’s character in “What Women Want” could never be real or else men would be appalled at the thoughts that run through our heads, especially while we’re aimlessly strolling outside.
Our walks alone are our special “me” time when we can let our minds wander and just hit the pavement.
Here’s what women are really thinking while they are taking a walk around the block.
I Should Have Taken A Cab
You’re about sixteen blocks and two avenues away from your destination, which means you have to make the epic decision: to cab or not to cab? Invariably, you’ll start out the first few blocks, no problem.
You’re too far committed by the time you’ve reached the seventh block to actually take the cab, although you really, really wish you did. Look on the brightside, that’s money saved for a round later (if you go to the dive-iest of dive bars, that is).
My Pimple Is Huge Does Anyone Notice?
That giant breakout on your face is reason enough not to leave your house, but sigh, life must go on. So you bravely venture out with about three pounds of cover-up and acne medicine on your face, hoping that you can just make it to the corner Starbucks without running into anyone you know. Oh, your Neighborhood Crush with a dog just walked by? Great…
I Look Awesome!
The sidewalk is your runway for you to strut your stuff. Is there anything more gratifying than looking good, feeling good and then taking it to the streets! Swagger on, young mocking bird, swagger on into the yonder.
Is He Following Me?
You’ve been walking for a good 10 minutes with one guy on your tail – coincidence or stalker? You recall from “Miss Congeniality” the moves to take down an attacker (thanks, Sandra!) and mentally block out the Solarplex-Instep-Nose-Groin motions in case things get ugly. Oh wait. He just turned a corner. Phew, because you have no clue what the solarplex is.
Everyone’s Just Seen My Butt
Manholes, gusts of wind, unexpected subway breezes – the only defense we have is tightly hugging our arms to our skirt in hopes of keeping the hem down.
Otherwise, it’s a classic Marilyn Monroe shot, only not so glamorous. There’s a whole pack of people in NYC that will forever have the image of our backsides in their memory.
Where Can I Get Her Coat?
When a chic-ly dressed woman walks by, we love to admire her wardrobe. Then we think, “Hmm…how can I re-create this look with the items in my closet?”
High black boots? Got ‘em. Black tights. Check. That coat, though, will require at least an hour hunting on the internet to find. So worth it.
Which is worse: under-dressing and walking the half mile home with your fingers tingling, ears throbbing and nose running OR over-dressing and walking the half mile home sweating, wanting to rip your clothes off and perspiring into your hairline, effectively ruining your fresh blow-dry?
But honestly, it doesn’t even matter if it’s 25 degrees or 200 degrees, we’ll always be sweating. And that’s life.
I Hate Sneakers And Work Pants
So lame. What the heck is business casual good for if we still have to go to work looking like Jane Lynch in between “Glee” takes?
I Wish There Were A Soundtrack To My Life
“If I were to create my life’s playlist, it would be even better than “Garden State”!
That Dog Is Cute…And So Is His Owner
We’ll take one of each please! Why not try to eye-f*ck him while you’re at it? Isn’t that what the sidewalk is for? Yes, yes it definitely is. I wonder where he’s going…
I Love This Song!
It’s times like these when we wish we could amble down the street with an old school boombox slung over our shoulders, blaring music and walking like we’re in an iPod commercial. Sometimes it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey… Am I right?
I Should Have Peed Before I Left
We even thought about going, but decided we could wait. Ugh, we’re totally turning into our mothers.
When Was The Last Time I Called My Parents?
We should probably give them a ring and tell them we love them… yeah, we should probably do that. On second thought, we’ll just wait until they call us. You don’t want to be stuck on the phone forever.
That Construction Man Is Skeevy
It’s enough to make us want to cross the street! Keep your leers and your expressions to yourself. We know we are gorgeous, no need to blow a whistle and make us uncomfortable, thanks.
Why Do I See All These Good Looking Men During The Day But Never At Night?
We made eye contact now why isn’t he saying anything? Oh, right because it’s socially unacceptable to go up to complete strangers and start making out with them. But for this guy, we’d make an exception!
Last Night…Sex Cringe
You know that moment when you’re just innocuously letting your mind wander and then all of a sudden, BAM! You get a clear mental image of the embarrassing thing that happened in bed the night before, which instinctively makes you shudder?
Yeah, you’ve just been ambushed by the sex cringe. We’ve all been there. Tuck that memory away for it to resurface when you’re bored – like in class or the elevator.
Why Did I Wear These Shoes When I Know They Hurt?
Want to know why that great looking pair of shoes still looks so new? Because you can’t bring yourself to wear them anywhere that requires walking or standing for an extended period of time. Looks like you’ll be detouring for a band-aid.
I Have Too Much Stuff
You’re not trying to hit everyone in your way with your purse, gym bag, shopping bag, lunch and groceries. You’re like a Sherpa lugging your stuff all over the city. That feeling when you finally unload all your packages almost makes the shlep worth it.
Top photo courtesy of Tumblr