12 Things Every Girl At The Club Is Really F*cking Sick Of Hearing
The Club: the place where all respect and personal space goes to die. At one point in your life, this was your go-to venue for any weekend (and probably weekday) night. But now it's a distant memory. As are the people.
The people you find at the club are unlike anyone you'll meet anywhere else.
They don't care if you're in their way or not, they'll push past you without even giving it a second thought. There is no respect in the club. In fact, it's quite the opposite.
But perhaps the most offensive thing about this dreaded place is the conversation that is attempted over the music.
What are females tired of hearing in the club? Well...
1. "You're really tall."
Why it's offensive: Because we: a) already know, and b) your opinion is irrelevant, unless it's positive, then it's always relevant.
The reaction you're going to get: "Thanks, I know. I purposely wear these extravagant heels to weed out short men boys like you from speaking to me."
What we wish you'd say instead: "Great shoes, even better legs."
2. "How old are you?"
Why it's offensive: We're old enough to be here, so what does it matter?
The reaction you're going to get: "Too old/young for you."
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I buy you a drink?"
3. "Wait, I couldn't hear you, what was that last digit of your phone number?"
Why it's offensive: Because you're too stupid to realize we're giving you a fake number.
The reaction you're going to get: "Did you say five? Or eight? Whatever, as long as the last digit isn't what it really is, it's fine."
What we wish you'd say instead: "Your face says it all, I'm just going to walk away now."
4. "Why are you drinking sh*tty vodka, come drink champagne from my table."
Why it's offensive: We clearly don't need you to get a drink and that line is so overused, it's sad.
The reaction you're going to get: "NO!" (Hopefully.)
What we wish you'd say instead: "I'm leaving now, would you like this unopened bottle of champagne?"
5. "Are you here with your boyfriend?"
Why it's offensive: Because it insinuates that we can't just go to the club with our friends or... by ourselves.
The reaction you're going to get: "Yes." (Even if the answer is really "no.")
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I buy you a drink?"
6. "Who's your blonde friend?"
Why it's offensive: Does this actually need to be explained?
The reaction you're going to get: "Her name is Not Interested."
What we wish you'd say instead: "Would you like to meet my friend? He wants to buy you a drink."
7. "Want to come to my penthouse for an after party?"
Why it's offensive: Because people should already know the only place anyone is heading to after the club is to the closest pizza place.
The reaction you're going to get: *Laughs uncontrollably*
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I get your number so I can take you out to dinner."
8. "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"
Why it's offensive: Why would any female ever respond to something like that?
The reaction you're going to get: "WTF do you think I'm doing here? If that's what you think of this place, the real question then is... What are you doing here?"
What we wish you'd say instead: Nothing. Just please stop speaking.
9. "If your friend is hooking up with my friend, why don't we hook up as well?"
Why it's offensive: How this makes sense to anyone is beyond me.
The reaction you're going to get: "Hell f*cking no." (*Grabs friend and runs out of the club...*)
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I buy you a drink?"
10. "Do you even drink?"
Why it's offensive: Because being blacked out 24/7 is highly overrated
The reaction you're going to get: "Apparently not enough to drown out assh*les like you."
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I buy you a drink?"
11. "Why is your friend being so lame?"
Why it's offensive: In what world is insulting someone's best friend the surest way to get in her pants?
The reaction you're going to get: *SLAAAAAAP*
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I buy you a drink?"
12. "Where'd your hot friend go?"
Why it's offensive: Because it took you two hours to get ready and this guy couldn't care less.
The reaction you're going to get: *Insert insulting snide remark about said friend here*
What we wish you'd say instead: "Can I buy you a drink?"
