Caution Ahead: 22 Telltale Signs That Prove You're Falling For A F*ckboy
We're often too blinded by heart-eyes emojis to scurry away from a bad relationship, especially when our feels are cable tied to a f*ckboy.
F*ckboys are the cornerstone of trash men you must steer clear of at all costs. They're a subculture of sad, player-like manwhores who beg for female attention in ways that make our skin crawl.
Don't wait until your credit crashes below 400 or wake up searching for your VS Pink panties before you realize these types of degenerates will never be "The One."
For these weak men, love always ends in heartbreak and a pint of Talenti. Or in extreme cases, blocked calls with a side of restraining orders, seriously.
Before you start going steady with life's biggest assh*le, pay attention to these 22 red flags. Trust me, they're there.
1. He never calls.
And when he misses your call, he simply texts you back "what's up?"
2. He sends a suspicious text at 10 pm.
Ya know, the one that's too early for booty call hours and too late for any plans to be considered an actual first date.
3. He's always "too busy" to come hang out at your apartment.
He's the king of "Netflix and Chill" at his place, with zero intentions of actually watching the flick. He only wants to touch you inappropriately, hoping you'll be woo'd and end up having sex with him.
4. He always asks for pictures of you.
But follows you on Instagram and Snapchat. Sorry love, you won't be getting any naked pics from me.
5. But dick pics are the norm.
This will occur randomly and without proper sexting etiquette.
6. His wardrobe only consists of Nike socks, gray sweatpants and white tees.
Or he dresses like a hypebeast a la Kanye West, primarily outfitted in basic, overpriced apparel.
7. All his friends are jobless bums.
They play around with frivolous ambitions, but no actual desire to reach them.
8. He has "looking for fun" in his Tinder bio.
Assuming you know any play made for a "girlfriend" title will get rejected.
9. He only snaps his fitness #gains.
And constantly flexes his biceps for the world of IG to ogle and adore.
1o. He acts entitled to your goodies.
Like you should be oh so grateful to know him and desire to sleep with him every day all day.
11. He never offers to buy you a drink.
Or orders a bullsh*t drink for you like a whiskey sour.
12. Talks sh*t about his own mom.
No one wants to hear how your mom chewed you out for being 24 and unemployed. She's right and you suck.
13. Jumps at any chance to slut-shame his exes or women in general.
He also RTs the kind of sexist sh*t on social media that'd make Donald Trump proud.
14. He truly believes he's never wrong.
He takes every single one of your suggestions to upgrade his life as a personal attack.
15. And he will never ever apologize.
Even if you tell him he needs to. The mere thought of having to apologize to anyone sends him into a temper tantrum.
16. He ignores all of your genuine interests.
Anything from reading books to skydiving -- because only his passions matter.
17. Only talks about himself.
Seriously, even with himself.
18. Shows up empty-handed to a BYOB gathering.
But pours generously from other people's bottles.
19. The only sport he takes seriously is beer pong.
He's not into organized sports; he's more into NASCAR and paintball.
20. Talks about other men being dicks.
This is to distract you from his own f*ckboy behavior.
21. Puts you through a dating test.
Like waiting to make sure you reach for your wallet before opting to pay.
22. ...And then announces that you passed.
Before assuring you he had a back-up date just in case.
So you see, it's in your best interest not to try to turn this f*ckboy into a Girlfriend Guy. Instead, just pay the tab -- if you even make it to an actual date with this narcissistic ingrate -- and get the hell out of dodge.
Sport your single status proudly, or make a beeline for a nice guy. No need to waste your time dealing with duds.