Dear Anthony Weiner, Please Put Your Wiener Away

I think Anthony Weiner thinks that just because his last name is an awkward synonym for d*ck that he has some higher calling to show everyone his. Newsflash buddy, no Gen-Y woman who isn’t as desperate as Precious, or the 22-year-old who had to resort to cyber dating a man with the name “Carlos Danger,” wants to see pictures of an old man’s hairy balls.

I mean seriously, this man is obviously sketchy as f*ck. While I agree that your average sex scandal shouldn’t hurt someone’s career, I personally don’t want a mayor who sends around d*ck pics to everyone and is an online pedophile who uses an alias with the last name “Danger.”

If this isn’t a red alert that someone isn’t fit for a government position, I don’t know what is. The only place I want to see Anthony Weiner is on the next episode of ‘Catfish.’

While we’re on the topic, let’s discuss the art of ‘d*ck pics’ in general. First rule: just please spare us. It doesn’t turn a girl on like a naked picture of her does for you. In fact, it’s not only extremely off-putting, but often misleading. How can you tell size from a zoomed in picture? Depending on the angle of the picture, it might look like the Eiffel Tower.

I have only received d*ck pics as a joke on Snapchat, and I have to say, that’s more than enough for me. Thank god the timer was only set to three seconds. If I’m talking to a guy who sends me a d*ck pic, I honestly think that’s a deal breaker. Save it for the bed, please.

However, I know of a couple of freaks who enjoy receiving d*ck pics. If you find yourself talking to a girl who is into that, by all means, go for it. I must warn you though, unless a girl straight up asks for one, it’s going to be hard to tell whether she wants it or not.

Unless you’re dying to take a selfie of your d*ck and send it out over the internet or via text message, where it will remain forever and come back to haunt you like it did to our dear friend Anthony Weiner, just keep it in your pants for now. You’ll thank me later.

Photo credit: WENN