The decision to break up with your previous boo (whom you loved), was entirely yours… or so you thought.
Yes, those very words DID come directly from your mouth, and you believed no one could take that power away from you. So, you owned it in the moment, and attempting to stay true to your heart -- no matter how difficult it was to cut loose from the relationship.
And, just like that, things were over. That is, until people started dropping labels on you and your ex-bae, post-breakup.
When you're in the spotlight, dealing with a breakup is even worse because it's so publicized.
As a matter of fact, there are so many dangerous labels we use on a daily basis (and may not even be aware we're using them) when talking about women.
Here are just a few. How often are you using them?
Sure, a gal may (and has the right to) feel heartbroken while going through some difficult stepping stones throughout life. But, not every damn breakup leaves her binge-watching chick flicks with depressing endings and eating Cheetos for days on end.
And sometimes, it's time to face the facts: Some breakups were a gal's choice — and after cutting the ties, she actually felt relieved and happier than she had ever been before.
Why is it that some women are portrayed as “heartbroken” and totally not OK in many instances… while the guy is looked upon as living up the bachelor life, dating different women?
As a woman, it's like, “Nah… I'm honestly gucci, and please don't put words in my mouth OR slap a label on this chick telling me how I'm supposed to feel. You don't know the entire story.”
Take Taylor Swift, for example.
She revealed to New York Magazine,
There's a spin on every single celebrity out there. I know that one of my spins is: 'Oh, Taylor's heartbroken. Oh, Taylor fell in love and the guy broke her heart. She's sad all the time, and lonely.'
I mean, they can say all they want. Those are real feelings that every single person goes through.
Yes, EVERYONE deals with heartbreak, being in love and feeling lonely... those are not terms that are specific to just women.
OK, just let a gal LIVE.
Also, let her walk down the dang street in a sundress and sandals without saying she's “flaunting” what her mama gave her.
She may look cool, calm, collected and confident because, well, she just IS.
She's not “flaunting” her legs; she's just wearing the chic denim skirt she scored on sale at Nordstrom Rack because it's hot outside.
Just because a woman's wearing a tank top, it shouldn't automatically come with a neon sign attached that reads she's “baring” anything. And God forbid a woman wears a "breast baring outfit."
If a gal feels like wearing shorts paired with a trendy crop top like what's good, that's her damn choice. No one should slap a label on how much skin she's apparently “baring.”
And if she's wearing a v-neck shirt, no one should automatically say or write about how she's “baring” a low-cut neckline.
Maybe focus on how trendy AF her jewelry is instead, and that she's making a fashion statement like a total #GirlBoss.
When females casually step outside into the light with no makeup on, suddenly, they fall under the category of being these “natural” mystical creatures.
Kendrick Lamar's single "Humble" caused controversy recently over three lines that took his stance on female beauty standards. He prefers women who are "natural." That's his personal preference, but how he said it got a lot of backlash:
I'm so fuckin' sick and tired of the Photoshop Show me somethin' natural like afro on Richard Pryor Show me somethin' natural like ass with some stretch marks
Just as much as our society needs to quit telling women they don't “need” makeup, it should also quit calling women “natural,” simply because they're not wearing any makeup... or really comment on anything they think defines "natural."
Once again, let a gal choose what she wants to wear, and what she wants to put on her face... with no judgment or labels attached.
How much makeup a woman wears -- or how much makeup a woman doesn't wear -- should never be a focal point of discussion.
The only thing this gal over here wants to know about “natural” is what's going down at Whole Foods after work.
5. “Vocal fry”
People need to quit hating on a gal's speech.
The term “vocal fry” means when someone gets into the habit of elongating words or sentences in a creaky, low-pitched manner.
When journalist Jessica Grose co-hosted a Slate podcast, she received some pretty harsh emails… and they were all talking about her voice. Apparently, people were trolling her “upspeak,” which is when someone ends their sentences on a high pitch.
And get this: A male interviewee actually told Grose her voice reminded him of his granddaughter… which is sexist BEYOND words.
That was the first moment I felt [my voice] was hurting my career beyond just irritating a couple listeners.
Let's get something straight: A woman should be able to talk how she wants to talk, with no questions asked… and certainly no condescending speech in return.
She shouldn't be ignored because she has a soft voice, and she also shouldn't be denounced for being really outgoing and liking to talk a lot.
Penny Eckert, a Stanford linguistics professor, made a solid point when she said,
People are busy policing women's language and nobody is policing older or younger men's language.
A woman's voice should not affect her career or professional relationships.
If someone finds the way a particular woman talks irritable, it really does not concern them in any way whatsoever; it's as simple as that.