The Truth Behind Why All Birth Control Methods Totally Suck

by Erica Gordon

Young women are very fertile, so it's obvious why birth control is so important; population control and the ability to choose when (and if) we procreate are huge.

The problem is that all birth control methods totally suck.

It messes with our body and mind, it's a bitch to remember to administer and it can be pretty expensive for those of us who don't have medical coverage.

It doesn't matter if you're using it or if you're not using it, it's always a lose-lose situation.

We're counting down the days until the male birth control pill catches on. But until then, let's just remember how awesome we are for continuously putting up with this crap.

Here are 10 common birth control methods, and why they suck:

1. The Pill

The pill straight-up annoys me because it's not fully effective unless you take it at the same time every day, and sometimes life gets in the way.

What if you end up staying at a friend's house all spur-of-the-moment, and don't have your pills with you?

Or maybe you were so distraught after an argument with a friend you completely forgot to take it.

I don't want to have to remember to do something everyday, but that's only a small part of the problem with the pill.

The pill also messes with your weight, your emotions and your mood. And it doesn't protect you against STDs.

2. The Patch

The patch is a little less annoying than the pill because you only have to change it once a week.

However, the weight gain on the patch is very significant. I tried Ortho Evra once and I can attest to this.

Not to mention it's kind of ugly to randomly have a patch on your body, and it leaves a sticky residue. I just wasn't a fan.

3. Condoms

Condoms are beneficial because they prevent STDs, pregnancy and don't have any major side-effects like changes in weight, mood or emotions.

However, they also break. And, more importantly, they decrease the feel-good pleasure sensations of sex.

Sex simply feels better without them.

Similar to women using diaphragms or spermicide, condoms don't have a perfect track-record of effectiveness; they should be used in combination with other birth control methods.

4. Essure Birth Control Insert

Essure is a permanent birth control method where an insert is permanently placed into your fallopian tubes by your doctor.

These inserts work with your body to form a natural barrier to keep sperm from reaching the eggs, preventing pregnancy.

There are two big issues with this: For one thing, the procedure is irreversible, the other is reports of chronic pelvic pain.

The FDA has even issued warnings related to Essure due to women reporting excruciating, ongoing abdominal pain and device failure.

5. IUD Insert

An IDU is a T-shaped device your doctor can insert for you. There are two versions of the IUD: The hormonal version lasts for five years, and the non-hormonal version lasts for 10.

The hormonal version works by releasing progestin, which thickens cervical mucus and basically makes the womb incapable of hosting your eggs. You'll likely notice shorter, lighter periods on this form.

The non-hormonal version is a copper IUD. The copper is released into the uterus to prevent sperm from fertilizing an egg.

IUDs allow you to forget about birth control methods, and they're 99 percent effective at preventing pregnancy.

However, they're a costly and invasive procedure -- and a painful one at that. Painful cramping occurs for about a week after insertion while your body gets used to the device.

6. The Pull-Out Method

This messy, sticky method is the absolute worst.

It's not effective (those of you who think it is are off your rocker), and as a woman, you're giving the control to the man and counting on him to actually pull out – which he might not.

You're risking pregnancy (it's only about 60 percent effective), and you're risking contracting an STD.

Pre-cum can get you pregnant, remember that.

You know what comes with the pull-out method? Stress and paranoia. Sex isn't fun if sex and paranoia are part of the package.

7. Depo-Provera Shot

The shot can sound appealing because it's just one shot every three months.

It contains the progestin which prevents ovulation and thickens the mucus lining the cervix.

It's 99 percent effective, but it has negative side-effects similar to the pill such as mood swings, an increased appetite, weight gain, decreased sexual drive, nausea and sore breasts.

8. NuvaRing

NuvaRing is a flexible vaginal ring used to prevent pregnancy that you change every three weeks.

It's just as effective as birth control but without all the hassle of having to remember when to take it.

On the downside, it can cause vaginal irritation, nausea, breast tenderness, mood swings, bloating and weight gain.

But really, what form of birth control doesn't cause any of that?

9. Plan B

Plan B, better known as the "morning after pill," can prevent pregnancy up to 72 hours after unprotected sex.

It temporarily stops the release of an egg from the ovary therefore preventing fertilization.

It's not meant to be used as a regular form of birth control, but it's a Godsend on those mornings where you wake up hungover AF with the cute guy from the bar next to you with little memory of what actually happened.

10. Abstinence

If you choose abstinence as your birth control method, you obviously won't get pregnant.

But you're not completely escaping the side-effects of birth control methods. People who don't have sex tend to be more irritable, stressed and moody.

Every method of birth control has side-effects, but it's up to you to choose which form you think is best for your body and which side-effects don't matter as much as others.

Remember: Safe-sex is great sex.