29 Ridiculous Lies You Tell Yourself When He Isn't Answering Your Text

by Ashley Fern

Texting in this day and age has become the most widely used form of communication -- which is why people get extremely frustrated when their messages go unanswered.

I mean, if you think about it, your phone is in your hand for probably 90 percent of any given day, so that whole "I didn't get your message" thing is just bullsh*t.

Sounds a little over the top? Well, that's because it is. We open a message and immediately create a mental timeline of what the appropriate response time would be, making conversations that could take place over 15 minutes into hour-long endeavors.

Why do we do this? Why can't we just be straightforward with our thoughts and intentions? Because that's life, and it's one complicated motherf*cker.

So, clearly, we think the best way to deal with a lack of response is to create incredibly crazy scenarios in our heads. Ridiculous? Yup. Accurate? Definitely.

So what do these lies we tell ourselves look like?

1. Maybe he's dead?

2. He definitely lost his phone. He's always doing crazy sh*t like that.

3. He could've not gotten my message -- I did only have two bars of service when I sent it.

4. Maybe he read it, answered in his mind and forgot to actually hit send. I do that all of the time.

5. He could be in the shower?

6. He also could possibly be at the gym?

7. Maybe he broke his phone by spilling something on it.

8. ...Probably from a shot he bought that dumb bitch in his Instagram from 42 weeks ago.

9. Maybe he's sleeping?

10. Or buying me a gift?

11. He really could have broken his keyboard.

12. He could have had a family emergency, I mean that does actually happen from time to time.

13. He's definitely stuck at work making money to spend on me later. That's it.

14. He probably tried to text me back and his phone isn't working.

15. No service? Must be Verizon!

16. Maybe it's my phone that isn't working... Just need to make a quick call to the Apple store and complain!

17. He's probably just playing hard-to-get because I'm too intimidating... Damn it, my bitchy resting face strikes again.

18. Did his phone get hacked by North Korea?

19. Or maybe he got kidnapped?

20. Nah, he must have left it at the jewelry store.

21. Maybe he passed out from the excitement of receiving a text from me... I could totally understand that one.

22. He could have gotten pick-pocketed on the subway, I told him to take cabs!

23. Maybe he's upgrading the new software. I know it came out a year ago, but I still haven't upgraded yet.

24. That upgrade does take an hour.

25. ...Or more, depending on how much time has passed since I sent my message...

26. Maybe he was just helping an elderly woman carry her groceries. This is exactly why I like him.

27. Maybe he did text me and is having the same heart palpitations as I am.

28. He could be shaving, that does take a lot of effort -- and even more time. So great that he wants to look good for me.

29. Who the f*ck am I kidding? He hates me. That has to be it, right?