Hot And Heavy: 23 Struggles Of Having Big Boobs During The Summer
Having big boobs is both a blessing and curse, but when it comes to summertime, it really seems as if it's leaning toward the latter.
Between trying to find flattering comfortable clothes and bathing suits that fit, the struggle is definitely real and something we feel all day, every day, beginning as early as May.
People think you're acting ridiculous when you complain of hot flashes or just about your boobs in general, but most likely, these people are less than a 34B and, therefore, have absolutely no room to speak.
If you are part of the unsympathetic group out there, then this post is as much for you as it is for the rest of us.
1. You are never not sweating.
It's insanely hot, and you're walking around with a solid extra 10 pounds attached to your chest, so it's no surprise you're constantly sweating.
It doesn't matter if you are only walking two blocks somewhere; you will arrive drenched every time.
2. You have to wear a push-up bra just so you don't gather piles of sweat under your boobs
There is nothing worse than casually feeling your chest only to find your hand completely covered in sweat and puddles under your tits.
Who knew they could even sweat so much?
3. Summer fashion doesn't lend itself to boobs.
You're too sexual in a crop top, but you look awkwardly large and sometimes pregnant in a flowy dress.
The world is just not fair sometimes.
4. You've mastered the scoop and rub.
You are a pro when it comes to shadily wiping the ever-increasing pile of sweat that floods the bottom of your bra.
I mean, at this point in your life, how could you not be?
5. You can't wear white... or grey... or basically any color.
Sweat stains galore -- this should basically be the motto of your life.
6. You run out of deodorant twice as fast.
Why? Because you're applying it underneath your boobs for a solid three months!
7. Exercising becomes infinitely harder.
As if exercising weren't already difficult enough, let's throw 30-plus degrees into the mix.
If you weren't motivated before, you definitely aren't going to be motivated now.
8. Breaking bikinis is a frequent pastime.
This sh*t should be covered under warranty; it's not my fault your awful product couldn't maintain my chest.
9. You have to compromise between covering your nipple and the bottom part of your boob.
How do companies actually think they can call this bikini a size XL when it barely goes over my DD boobs?
Either I have a less accepted underboob situation or I look like I should be part of the Free the Nipple campaign.
Attention all bikini designers: MAKE BIGGER SIZES
10. You really can't judge a man's intention in the summer.
Listen, I totally understand this -- I catch myself staring at women's boobs in bikinis too. How can you not?
But when you're large-chested and wearing summer attire, there really is no other place to look.
Women, I could tell you to embrace the flattery, but if they're creepy, tell them to f*ck off.
11. You have to shower twice as often.
While guys may think sweaty boobs are hot, we think it's smelly and gross -- guess it's time for shower number four of the day
12. You want to wear less clothing, but you always look too sexual.
How is it fair a small, B-cup chick can strut around in a little crop top and short shorts and look amazing, but when I do it, I look like a porn star trying to make my debut?
It's f*cking hot out, and I don't feel like wearing a turtleneck to avoid the attention of male strangers.
13. Family vacations are really awkward.
This is something I've personally been struggling with since I first realized I needed a bra in third grade.
It's extremely awkward to be on vacations with your father when your boobs look like they're on display.
But it's actually even more awkward when you're on a trip with a friend, and her family and have to experience the awkwardness of her father trying to avoid looking at you.
Even worse, using your awkward hand gestures to conceal your protruding chest takes all the fun and relaxation out of the vacation. Needless to say, you wish to have all sons.
14. You get awful tan lines.
The worst part about finding bikini tops that actually fit is they're never cute, little, skimpy tops that give you a great tan line.
Instead, they're big giant cups with thick straps that give you a halter top tan -- not cute and not fair. Again, bikini designers: HELP.
15. You can never get away with not wearing a bra.
Free-boobing: It is never a good idea for the large-breasted women of the world.
This is the fastest way to gather sweat, a lesson we've all learned the hard way.
16. Bandeau bikinis are off limits.
While these look super cute on small-chested chicks and can be really trendy, these are every big, busty girl's worst nightmare.
They may look awesome when you first put them on, but wait for it... in about 15 seconds, it will slide completely off, exposing everything.
No matter how tight you tie the strap, if you're busty, it will never stay up.
Either you're spending the entire time adjusting and pulling or worse, you expose your beautiful assets to the entire pool party... lucky for them, I guess?
17. You look really uncoordinated playing any beach sport.
Almost all beach sports require some sort of running and jumping.
Whether you're jumping in the air to catch a frisbee, tossing a football or diving to hit a volleyball, you find yourself constantly saying to yourself "should've worn a sports bra."
Once again, you end up unintentionally flashing the entire beach, or you whack yourself in the face with the ball and, most likely, your boobs.
18. Your friends are always talking about them.
Your friends, and frankly any human in the near vicinity, are constantly talking about your chest.
At first, it's flattering, and you enjoy the bit of attention your natural gifts garner, but after a while, it makes you a bit self-conscious to have people nonstop commenting on your assets.
We get it. I look awesome, and you all wish you looked more like me. Now let's move along to something more important in this world: Who's ordering the Domino's?
19. ...And touching them.
I know they look awesome, but that doesn't mean you can just grab at them any damn time you please.
How would you like it if I started grabbing at you? Hmm, maybe don't answer that.
20. You have hot flashes all of the time.
If only it were socially acceptable to just strip down whenever you felt like it. I mean there really is no quicker way to cool off, am I right?
21. You instantly revert to adolescent trauma.
You're a pretty confident person, but that doesn't stop you from getting self-conscious about your rack.
It's basically impossible not to feel uncomfortable when people are staring at you; it's almost like you're back in your teenage years, when people first started growing boobs.
22. The front of your body will always be a different color than your back.
Having big boobs basically forbids you from lying out on your stomach, which creates quite the contrast from the front of your body to the back.
Good thing most people are only looking at your front.
23. You always have to buy your bikini tops and bottoms separately.
You're sh*t out of luck when it comes to online shopping for bathing suits since most pieces are sold together.
It's not your fault you need an XL top and a small bottom.