The girl world is divided into two distinct parts: summer girls and winter girls (spring and fall are far too vague and fleeting of seasons to be used as definitive labels, sorry).
I am, myself, an unabashed, absolute, bonafide, out and proud WINTER GIRL.
Much like sexuality or family, the season a girl embodies is not something she has the ability to choose; it’s wildly genetic and chooses her: I'm pale as f*ck with hair so deeply brunette that it appears black to the naked eye, and my face holds court to light hazel eyes that are hyper-sensitive when pierced by the sun’s penetrating rays.
Clearly, I thrive in the winter.
I consider myself somewhat of a fashion GOTH -- I’m a girl who simply looks better when draped in a charcoal baby-doll dress paired with black lace stockings, 20-hole, patent leather Doc Martin boots and blood red lipstick than I do barefaced with highlighted hair, clad in cut-off denim shorts and rainbow flip-flops (I have a visceral reaction to open toed shoes; just the thought of sandals gives me an instantaneous, unidentifiable, bitingly uncomfortable feeling deep in the crux of my stomach).
The true soul of a winter girl, however, cuts deeper than fashion alone.
My personality has always been dark and antiquated and winter-like.
I'm akin to a romantic mid-winter blizzard that’s so severe the local authorities call for a countywide snow day. Cold, yet chic.
There is a specific sadness that washes over the porcelain-strewn skin of every winter girl the moment the floral scent of spring gracefully wafts into the city streets and the promise of summer hangs heavy in the air.
Summer Girls thrive this time of year while us winter girls feel painfully alienated and acutely displaced -- for there are very specific struggles to being a winter girl in the summer:
1. Everyone stares at you.
Us winter girls (not surprisingly) look fierce and fabulous when sporting the fashions of the cold-weathered season. Give us a dramatic leopard-print faux fur stole, black leather motorcycle pants and winged liquid eyeliner -- and we will crush it. Steal the f*cking show.
We just don’t look quite right in the “bohemian chic” attire of summer. Crème-colored caftans and sheer lip gloss, for whatever reason, just doesn’t seem to flatter raven hair and snow-white skin.
So us winter girls, being the fearless fashion aficionados we so are, rock our gothic attire in the summer anyway. After all, isn't authenticity everything?
On those rare summer days that are simply too hot to handle and we find ourselves reluctantly venturing to the beach, we do so sporting crimson lipstick, black bikinis and extra large, mega sunnies. We bring the drama of midnight to the sun-speckled shore.
Our look madly clashes against the powder blue, sea-salt summer sky. Our pouted lips and resting bitch face recklessly stands out amidst the bevy of blonde surf babes that scatter the sand blissfully chasing around volleyballs in tribal print sarongs.
People rudely stare at us -- adorned in our theatrical beach attire -- as if they’re star spotting Morticia Addams herself.
2. You’re always sweating and miserable.
Winter girls absolutely loathe the heat like nothing else in the cruel planet. Our eyeliner runs.
We are forced to wear our hair up (we aren’t “top knot” chicks), and our beloved all-black attire only serves to makes us more HOT in the beating pulse of sunshine.
You haven’t experienced the trials and tribulations of a record-breaking, hot summer’s day -- until you’ve survived it in black leather combat boots.
3. You HATE the nonstop “summer music.”
Ugh. Summertime music.
See -- those of us who take to the winter find ourselves doubled over with critical earaches when the surplus of summertime "jams" start to consume the airwaves across the nation.
We are as gothic in our music as we are in our FASHION. We prefer the sexy sadness of forlorn, melodramatic, WINTERTIME music. Think Lana Del Rey, The Cure, Portishead.
We’re allergic to the sugary sweet bubblegum sounds of the Britneys and the Mariahs and the Arianas.
4. Your pores are clogged, and you break out.
Let’s get real: The heavy combination of a cream-based foundation and a thick dollop of SPF 80 is a surefire way to break the f*ck out.
I suppose we could go makeup-free come summer, but our China-white winter skin is fragile and requires the dual protective shield of sunscreen and makeup.
When a winter chick is faced with the harrowing choice of a tan and a seasonal bout of acne or no tan and clear skin, she will always choose to the latter.
5. No one appreciates your dark disposition.
Our personalities are as dark as our attire. Everyone seems to love our twisted sense of humor and negative perspective in the winter because it’s cohesive to the cutting chill of winter.
Sunshine, on the other contrary, calls for a BRIGHT disposition and a BUBBLING, effervescent energy. So. Not. Us.
It’s a highly unsettling transition for the winter chick -- who only a few months prior, back in glorious January, was the toast of the town, the most popular girl on the block.
6. You’re confused as to why everyone is in such a good mood.
What the f*ck happened that we don’t know about? Yeah, the weather is warm, big deal? That doesn’t justify this seemingly false “good mood” everyone sets as his or her default attitude post Memorial Day weekend.
In the duration of summer, otherwise reasonable people are startlingly happy without reason. It doesn’t make sense and leaves us tangled in a web of confusion.
7. You look f*cking better than everyone else, and everyone hates you for it.
If we break through the surface and get to the real reason as to why we winter girls are so uprooted and misplaced in the throes of summer, it’s because everyone is jealous of us. It’s oh so sad, yet oh so true.
While most people ditch makeup and hairdryers in the hot sticky heat, we don’t.
We manage to retain wintertime glam in the sun.
While most people submit to the clichéd pitfall of “summer love” and bad pop music, we manage to remain chicly cold and stylishly removed.
Don’t hate us for looking fierce with our mascara adorned eyelashes and black fishnets on a hot summer’s day -- after all, that kind of catty behavior isn’t very “summer like” is it?