When you were a kid, your mother told you if you could count the number of real friends you had on one hand you’d be lucky. Naturally, you considered her to be out of date and out of touch with reality. She couldn’t possibly have comprehended the severity of your social circle.
You had a million friends and the thought of narrowing them down to a measly 5 was unfathomable. Upon hitting your twenties, you’ve realized Mom may have been on to something.
It is, in fact, possible to carry with you only that small but elite group of primary people. What Mom couldn’t have known was that in this day and age, those 5 key friends have already been cosmically designated. As we travel along this road through 20-somethingville there are several specific speed-dials we must bring along for the ride.
1.) The Frienemy
A "toxic" person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.) It’s true what they say; keep your friends close and your enemies closer. You may hate to love her, but you need her. She’s untrustworthy yet dependable, superficial yet comforting; all the things you wish you were and all the things you’re glad you’re not. She’s the one you hate to love.
She’ll admire your style but she’s the first in line to trash-talk your dress. She’ll help you in a crisis if only for the rights to bitch about your careless behavior.
You can trust her as far as you can throw her, but you’ll be damned if someone else is going to put her down in your company. She’s your frienemy and like it or not, she’s here to stay. Sad but true, those cheering you on are often just as important as those hoping you’ll fall.
2.) The Hell-Raiser
A person who thrives from the chaos they create. With little effort, they can drive people of both sexes crazy for them, leaving lust, destruction and confusion behind.) The road to hell is known to be paved with good intentions, at least most of the time. The Hell-Raiser is without a doubt one of the most imperative friends to claim in your twenties. She’s the guaranteed hangover you can’t wait to regret.
The bad ass you can call at midnight to accompany you to a party, destined to show up sans underwear and morals. She’s the girl missing her cameo in the graduation group-shots because she was off tonguing your married principal.
Your parents warned you of this imperative phenomenon and while she may not be the ideal candidate to bring around your grandmother’s bridge club meeting, she is indefinitely the key player in most of the stories you’ll one day pass on that begin with “When I was your age, I once..”
Made famous by her reckless abandonment and ability to obtain all the best drugs, you may at one time or another find yourself wanting to disown her but I urge you, keep this one on deck. The Hell Raiser will undoubtedly bring you grief, but she’ll also bring you some seriously memorable times.
3.) The F*ck Buddy
(One who encapsulates all the benefits of being in a relationship minus bullshit like not doing enough for Valentine’s Day.) Perhaps chivalry is a dying art form, but so what? You’ll quickly realize that you need men for very few things and holding your door isn’t one of them. For us singles the ‘F*ck Buddy’ is also a contact worth acquiring. This friend walks the fine line between friendly and friendlier.
They supply you with the end result without all the hassle of pre-requisite paperwork. When life leaves you too busy for the dating grind or you’ve hit a lull of feeling down on your luck, a no-strings-attached male companion is just the 5-hour energy boost you need.
He’s the one you can text to cuddle, call to bone or persuade to feed you for free.
He won’t remember your birthday or shower you with compliments after a hard day at the office, but he’s one hell of a diversion from the real world and definitely a mistake worth making. Yes ladies, the honorary f*ck buddy is the frozen yogurt of life’s dessert; vivaciously void-filling and gluttonously guiltless. Enjoy.
4.) The Back-in-the-Day Bestie
BFF from an earlier era who is looked upon with high regard or respect.) In this ever changing world, it’s reassuring to know that some things have a withstanding shelf life. The Back-in-the-Day friend is one who deserves ample credit.
She was the one to make sure your braces didn’t land you at the unpopular lunch table in 5th grade, she convinced you there was life after your first official heartbreak and she vouched for you all those times you dodged curfew in high school.
She’s the beaded bracelets, pinky promises and dear diary secrets who helped you become the woman you are. Time goes by and life gets in the way, but every girl should have that friend; the one who knew you before you had breasts and loved you before you were cool.
She’s the sentimental sister who can bask in your nostalgia as the two of you sort through yearbooks and rock out to N’Sync. To know where you’re going, you must first come to terms with where you came from and the very best mirror to your past is an old friend.
5.) The Holy Grail
The cup which Jesus supposedly drank from during the last supper.) And it all comes down to this. The one friend you’ve been lucky enough to make along the way who encapsulates all the good things you are and all the great things you aspire to be.
She’s the one who loves you without objective, accepts you without judgment and appreciates you without motive. Every woman in her twenties and every age going forward should have that one confidant to tell her deepest secrets to, that one kindred soul.
She picks you up, pulls you together and always keeps a free hand to hold your hair back after an intense Saturday night. Of all the friends you keep, this is the one to cherish most, because this type of friendship is as rare as it is beautiful.
It’s what poets through time have tried to capture with words; it’s the knowing that no matter how bad you’ve been or what wrong you’ve done, you’ll forever have someone in your corner. This one friend is most easily identifiable. When the world is hell-bent on dulling your sparkle, she’s the one refusing to stop polishing your star.
Alas, as stilettos are to an invite-only party, are these five friends to the voyage through your twenties. Choose them wisely and treat them accordingly because thankful or not, you’re lucky to have gathered them.