Periods are the worst time of the month for females. We feel like we're dying, we hate everyone and everything, work isn't optional and all we want to do is crawl into our beds and never come out. Our guy friends, boyfriends and dads can't feel our pain, but all of the women in our lives can relate.
We love to bitch about our periods, regardless of the fact that we've been dealing with them every month since we were 13(ish). It doesn't matter; girls love to complain and love to have people who will listen. Bitching about your period basically ensures a great audience.
We have a love/hate relationships with our periods because it's an excuse to eat whatever we want and to be a huge bitch, to sum it all up. No? Just me? No way.
More of that later. What are the most common phrases women say to one another during this terrible time? Check it out below.
1. "Am I dying?"
Seriously, it is not normal to bleed this much and not die.
2. "I'm so bloated."
UGH! Why am I so fat today? This is the worst feeling ever. Looks like I'll be sticking to leggings for the next three to five days.
3. "At least I'm not pregnant!"
This is probably the ONLY upside to getting your period, literally.
4. "Sorry I'm being a total bitch right now, but I'm on my period."
Get-out-of-jail-free card? Thank you very much, uterus.
5. "Can you really not get pregnant while having sex on your period?"
Is this true? Is this a myth? Or is it just wishful thinking? FYI: Yes, you can totally get pregnant while on your period.
6. "Anyone have a tampon?"
Somebody needs to wingardium leviosa a tampon to me right now because there is nothing worse than sitting at work realizing you forgot to bring backup.
7. "It's my last day, will he know?"
At that point, no one gives a sh*t. Both parties involved will be too busy to even figure out what's going on, anyway. Well, hopefully for your sake.
8. "Do people still use pads?"
#TBT: Pads! Hahaha, these are literally adult diapers. Can you actually believe people used these things willingly? Sh*t is disgusting.
9. "Seriously?! Another comforter bites the dust?"
Every girl has had to experience something along these lines. There's nothing worse than drifting off to sleep only to realize the crimson monster has made its way through your sheets.
10. "Is TSS real?"
I've had this in for like seven hours. Is that too long?
11. "I don't even want kids!!"
I'm well aware of the fact I will never have kids. Can I just remove my uterus, already?
12. "I can eat whatever I want. I deserve it."
The best part (like there is one) of being on our periods is that fact that we can rationalize any and every morsel of food that passes through our lips.
13. "I need chocolate!"
This is self-explanatory.
14. "I don't have to go to the gym, right?"
Who the hell wants to do jumping jacks on their period? Not me, that's for sure.
15. "This underwear cost me $26!"
You have your date-night underwear, your daytime underwear and then the reject pile that's reserved for your period week. We may have been dealing with this sh*t for years, but for some reason, we never learn our lesson.
16. "Midol is a lie."
The 15 minutes of relief (if that) that this medication provides is totally not worth the money. You're much better off smoking a joint, trust me.
17. "I'm allowed to be a bitch."
I can be a huge bitch and no one can say a damn thing because it's my hormones speaking! #Winning
18. "I hate everyone."
All women are more irritable on their periods, and with good reason. This time of the month is painful and uncomfortable, putting us on edge for every conversation we're going to engage in.
19. "Why does the government not pay for tampons?"
Clinics give away condoms but not tampons? How does this make any sense? Insurance should totally pay for tampons. A whole box is like $16. Ain't nobody got money for that.
20. "I just want to curl up in a ball and die."
I. Need. My. Bed. Right. Now.
21. "Why do I have to go into work today?"
Women should totally get a day off during that time of the month. I mean you all have that one day that is significantly worse than the rest. Cue the heating pad.
22. "Ugh, I should've just skipped it this month."
For the lucky girls who are on birth control, they have the option to skip their period, altogether, each month. But for the rest of us, unfortunately, this is just not an option.
23. I WISH I WAS A GUY!
If you have not uttered these words, you haven't really experienced a period. Men don't know how good they have it.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It