‘Why Aren’t You Married Yet?’: 16 Struggles A Single Girl Faces During Rosh Hashanah
Ah, Rosh Hashanah, the two days of the year reserved for family time... quality time that usually results in a mass influx of questions about things you'd rather not address, especially from your grandparents.
These questions make you reconsider your life choices, which up until now, you thought were more than acceptable.
The generation gap between us and our grandparents has never been more apparent and their stance on your relationship -- or lack thereof -- simply proves this point.
So what's it like to be barraged with questions about situations you wish you could pretend didn't exist? Well, the struggle is real and makes us glad we only have to face this holiday once a year.
1. You have trouble wrapping your head around the point of their question...
I don't understand, as a 20-something who is still currently at her entry-level job, why I would be considering marriage... I can't even afford my rent, how the hell would I afford a wedding dress or invitations?
2. "Well I'm sort of seeing this guy who maybe could be considered a boyfriend, but I really don't know because I refuse to have that conversation..."
Grandparents have no idea what it's like to date in an age of texting and tequila shots. Things aren't like they were back in the day and the more you try to explain that to them, the worse off you will be.
3. The sad reality that they probably won't be around by the time you even entertain the idea of being married...
Is that too cynical? Hmm, maybe this is why they're putting the pressure on you...
4. Hey Grandpa, have you ever heard of a "rotation"?
I'm going to guess revealing this information to your grandparents will just reinforce the reason they want you to get hitched in the first place.
5. When your family encourages their questions by telling you anyone would be lucky to have you...
Life isn't easy when you're trying to decipher alternate meanings behind text messages, Snapchats and Instagram likes.
6. Realizing you have much more important things to focus on...
Hmm, maybe, I don't know... your career? Your friends? Your gym schedule? No? OK, Grandpa, I'll pretend we're back in the 50s and completely change my perspective on life... not.
7. Unfortunately, your grandparents don't realize your complete lack of tolerance for people
Perhaps if they did, they would not be bothering you with these questions.
8. This is basically your reaction when they ask you about your friends and acquaintances' impending nuptials...
Instead of feeling motivated by your friends' engagements, you just want to deactivate your Facebook. This isn't encouraging you to go out and find your mate, instead it's making you want to curl up with a pint of ice cream.
9. You dabble with the idea of marrying someone you haven't even met yet, which only elicits this reaction...
So, best case scenario, I meet someone around the age of 26, date for four solid years before the idea of engagement is even a thought and that would put me at 30... That sounds really, really old. How about we not think about that?
10. You then find yourself asking, "Wait, should this be something I want?" Which only leads to...
Sh*t! Do they have a point?! Is this something I should be prioritizing? I need a refill.
11. You sit in silence as you rehash your life decisions up until this point...
What is my life? What are my choices? Should I not be going out and getting drunk every single weekend with my friends? Am I supposed to go husband hunting? WTF, did I even just say?
12. You finally realize why your family is so concerned...
I guess they have a point, don't they? At this rate, I'm never even going to remember if I meet someone worth pursuing. Ugh. I can't admit they're right or they will hold this over my head forever.
13. Ugh, it's so hard to have a serious conversation when you're stuffed with brisket
I'm too fat and full to think right now. Can't we just all eat more and get drunk and enjoy each other's company instead of delving into a serious conversation? Please?! Anyone? Anyone?
14. Does this mean I have to stop sleeping with non-Jews?
No. Effing. Way.
15. I can't even focus on this sh*t because I'm already dreading what Yom Kippur will have in store for me
I am never coming home again. It's Yom Kippur or Thanksgiving because I really don't think I have the stamina for both, nor the patience... nor the tact.
16. Why is the Jewish New Year not nearly as fun as regular New Year's?
The regular New Year's involves getting sh*tfaced with your friends while this New Year's involves getting interrogated by family members. F this! I'm changing religions.