She Either Eats Grass Or Smokes It: The 2 Types Of Women In The World

by Lauren Martin

My mother once told me, “There are two types of women in this world. The ones who value themselves and the ones who don’t.” Now, that’s very broad and generalized advice, but she was most definitely onto something.

Because as much as women can't be put into boxes, they can sometimes fall into groups, with overlapping qualities in the middle of each side.

Women are diverse and complicated creatures. You can’t categorize, idealize or corner them into one group. They cannot be defined by one subjective category.

Like any human, our traits and personalities are individualistic and diverse. But sometimes, just sometimes, you can so clearly see two sides of a spectrum and can't help but put yourself on one side.

You can't help but group yourself into a category that you feel separates you from the other side. You kind of enjoy allotting yourself a characteristic and letting people decipher what that means about you.

They are broad and generalized, but, f*ck it, sometimes they’re spot on. Sometimes you're either a woman who likes sports or a woman who doesn't.

There are women who like to shop and women who hate to shop. Women who get manicures and women who would never pay for something they can do themselves.

There’s no right side or wrong side, just two different sides. There are overarching categories that do separate one type of person from another. Like people who eat the crust and those who don’t, sometimes there’s a very clear, black and white line between the type of woman you are and the type you will never be.

And that's exactly why the stigmas and clichéd references need to stop; they're only representing one side of women. They are lumping all women into one rigid category, failing to look at the other side of the equation.

How can proclaiming that all women eat salad possibly represent all women? You really think every single woman on earth would choose a salad over a hamburger? Let's be real here, there's always going to be at least one who loves the meat.

Because as Donald Glover so gently put it, “There’s the women who give blow jobs, and the ones who ends up with cats and 'Twilight' DVDs.” And while there's no right or wrong way to live your life, there's most definitely a side that you're playing for.

1. Those who have sex with the light on, those who don’t.

2. Those who eat froyo, those who eat ice cream.

3. Those who dress for girls, those who dress for guys.

4. Those who want to be stay-at-home moms, those who want to stay far away from home.

5. Those who wear designer sh*t, those who don’t give a sh*t.

6. Those who wear yoga pants, those who do yoga.

7. Those who lead, those who follow.

8. Those who like Taylor Swift, those who want to kill her.

9. Those who eat breakfast, those who drink it.

10. Those who spit, those who swallow.

11. Those who wear underwear, those who don't believe in it.

12. Those who worry about what other women think, those who don't give a sh*t.

13. Those who need attention, those who shy away from it.

14. Those who love the spotlight, those who love a secluded spot.

15. Those who send mixed messages, those who say it straight.

16. Those who date up, those who date down.

17. Those who puke in public and those who go to great lengths to hide it.

18. Those who get jealous, those who understand.

19. Those who fight with women, those who don’t.

20. Those who curse, those who don’t.

21. Those who can drink, those who can’t.

22. Those who smoke, those who run.

23. Those who have one-night stands, those who don’t.

24. Those who have boyfriends all the time, those who don't mind being single.

25. Those who have more guy friends, those who have more girl friends.

26. Those who spin, those who twist joints.

27. Those who love to party, those who stay in.

28. Those who wear heels, those who wear flats.

29. Those who get their nails done, those who paint their own nails.

30. Those who drink whiskey, those who drink vodka.

31. Those who read books, those who read People.

32. Those who drink Prosecco, those who f*cking hate Prosecco.

33. Those who look for husbands, those who are married to themselves.

34. Those who eat burgers, those who eat without the bun.

35. Those who eat grass, those who smoke it.

36. Those who bitch, those who hate bitches.

37. Those with the funny costumes, those with the slutty ones.

38. Those who like Samantha, those who like Charlotte.

39. Those who send texts, those who call.

40. Those who have wrinkles, those who have Botox.

41. Those who steam it, those who fry it.

42. Those who cheat, those who value loyalty.

43. Those who go for humor, those who go for height.

44. Those who take selfies, those who don't love themselves that much.

45. Those who look to everyone else, those who look within themselves.