18 Things That Are Never There When A Girl Needs Them


It usually happens to me when I'm shopping for something I need — something I really, really need — for an occasion or an event and I can't find it. I'll retrace my steps and pick my brain to try and remember the last place I remember seeing it, but no matter how many places I search or how many people I ask, I can't find it. Here's a list of the 18 things that are never there when we need them.

1. A hair tie. They come in packs of 50 or 100 — I’m pretty sure that Costco even sells them in bulk! Yet, when you only need one (because your hair looks like it just flirted with the top of a balloon), they all seem to be playing an extraordinary game of hide-and-seek.

2. The energy to get off the couch and go to the gym. Because your butt would so much rather be cheek-to-cheek with a soft cushion than on a machine, making it move up and down to the beat of some Ke$ha song.

3. The subway train you need to catch on your morning commute to work, because the B and the D trains will always run on time. But your F train? Forget about it. It’s like an ex-boyfriend -- it only comes around when it feels like it.

4. Your phone charger — don’t even bother texting me after 3:30 pm.

5. Enough spare change to pay for something that costs $2.11 so that you don’t have to break a $20 bill.

6. Tissues for a stubborn, runny nose.

7. An open seat in the food court. After you’ve purchased your lunch and you’re trying to juggle your purse and a tray full of fries, you'll have to eat on top of a garbage can until a seat or a table opens up.

8. The right words to say when someone asks you how you feel about something that doesn’t make you sound like you’re juggling marbles in your mouth.

9. A tampon.

10. That one final ingredient for the meal you finally worked up the guts to whip up in the kitchen.

11. An outlet at a coffee shop so you can juice up your laptop.

12. The name of a song or a movie or an actor when you’re in the middle of a conversation with a group of people who are also having a giant brain freeze.

13. A few extra minutes to get ready in the morning.

14. A plus one for a terribly boring event or a wedding.

15. Though it sometimes seems like there is one on almost every corner — a CVS (or some other drugstore).

16. That book you want to check out from the library because you don’t have enough of a disposable income to buy the full-priced new copy at the bookstore.

17. A text message from your ex telling you that he or she is sorry or loves you. Or both.

18. The courage to burst out an “I’m sorry” or an “I love you.” Or both.