17 Situations Where Your Resting Brunch Face Is Completely Justified
There are a range of emotions -- anxiety, sleepiness, excitement (or any combination of those feelings) -- people experience the morning before they have a brunch reservation.
So what does this trifecta of emotions create? Well, it's time to introduce a new phenomenon: Resting Brunch Face.
When you initially agree to brunch, you're elated; however, on Saturday or Sunday morning when your eyes are beating from the back of your skull, the last thing you want to do is start drinking again.
That look of angst is exactly what Resting Brunch Face encapsulates.
But you made plans and your friends are definitely not letting you off the hook! You're forced to wash the shame off from last night while simultaneously hitting the bowl in hopes your God-awful headache will go away.
Even if it didn't work (it never does), at least you're strong enough to make your way out the door, and are ready for the activities this day has in store for you. Thank God you have your RBF on.
1. When they don't leave the bottles of champagne on the table.
Do you honestly expect me to sit at this table SOBER?! How dare there not be a bottle of champange awaiting my arrival!
Either bring out the bottle immediately or give me a basket of bread to help my head stop pounding, but don't expect me to sit here with nothing in my mouth.
2. When your waiter decides to show up every 20 minutes even though you have a two-hour bottomless limit.
Do you think you're being smooth? Do you not realize everyone at this table knows exactly what you're doing?
Don't try to rip us off or try to trick us into staying outside the two-hour limit, we'll all just hit up the bar next door.
3. When the maître d' won't sit your entire party until everyone arrives.
Why should we all be punished because one person hit the snooze button one too many times? This rule makes no sense.
It's rude and it puts everyone in a bad mood. Plus, your tip decreases for every minute I have to wait to be seated.
Next time, said late person will not be invited. Sheesh! I could be sleeping instead of standing by the cold door. Rude.
4. When the bathroom attendant refuses to let you and your girl friend in the stall at the same time.
Excuse me, but sorry for not wanting to scour our purses for tampons at the table. Can you just have some damn sympathy for us?
Yes, yes, I know you may have experienced some ludicrous behavior going down in the stalls before, but we're just trying to get a handle on Aunt Flo.
5. When it's cash only and everyone failed to take out money before the meal.
Despite the multiple text message reminders, the majority of the party still managed to forget cash. It's not as if this was everyone's 20th brunch or anything...
6. When that one girl you wanted to avoid gets stuck sitting next to you.
Oops, did I accidentally spill my champagne on you? It must mean it's time for you to go, bye Felicia!
7. When you're too hungover to even eat the overpriced food you're paying for.
I don't know why I ordered the most complex item on the menu, but it sounded f*cking phenomenal when I read it.
Now you have placed it in front of me, though, I must excuse myself because I'm about to be sick.
8. When your orange juice-to-champagne ratio is way off.
If I wanted a glass of orange juice with a hint of champagne, I would've ordered it. There is no way in hell I'm shelling out $50 for bottomless breakfast juice, thank you very much.
Even worse, I'm not wasting the calories I just burned during an overpriced spin class on this sh*t either.
Now you give me what I paid for and fill it to the top, please!
9. When the waiter recognizes you from being hammered the last time you were there, but you have no idea what he's talking about.
Stop staring -- yes, it's me! Yes, the girl you saw knock over an entire bottle of champagne and eat home fries off someone else's table -- it's me!
But, let's face it, you know just as well as I do, you need my business! Everyone in this establishment knows the second I get hammered I order everything on this menu and leave you an unreal tip.
So wipe that judgmental look off your face, and fill me up!
10. When it's 9 am and you're eating with your parents.
I'm not sure why you people thought this was a good idea, and I don't know why I agreed to it. I actually could not imagine a worse way to spend my morning.
Now excuse me while I go pull the trigger in the bathroom.
11. When the waiter is blantantly ignoring your order and proceeds to f*ck it up.
Excuse me, sir? I've tried to be as nice as possible (LOL), but this is the fourth time I've had to send my food back. I realize you don't actually give a f*ck if I eat or not, but I'm so hungover right now it physically hurts to speak.
So, having to repeat an order that'll only result in me sending it back while I sit in anguish, watching everyone else eat is cruel and unusual punishment.
How hard is it to make a vegan-no-carb-gluten-free-sugar-free-egg-white-only-no-tomatoes-extra-onions omelette anyway? Jeez!
12. When you're dying of a hangover in bed, but can't miss out.
As you get older, the hangovers get much worse. Waking up in a stranger's bed to 47 group texts about your brunch reservation is as horrible as any obligatory sorority sister's birthday party. Still, you just can't miss it.
Physically getting out of bed and making your way to the restaurant is a birthday gift in and of itself. You clearly deserve the Best Friend Award for this one.
13. When you show up rocking your makeup (and possibly clothes) from the night before.
So what if I did the walk of shame to the table? At least I made it on time, unlike half of this damn party. I deserve a f*cking trophy for this trek, not your criticism.
So maybe my eyeliner is smudged and my extensions are falling out, but at least I look better than the girl who painted her eyebrows at the table. Ugh, can I live?
14. When you run into your ex eating with his new girlfriend.
Well, well, well... look who we have here. Nothing is more awkward than running into your ex and his new bae at brunch.
As you walk by their table, you obviously put on your best RBF. First of all, girlfriend, should you really be eating those pancakes? I think not.
And what the actual f*ck? I showed him this restaurant! How dare he disgrace it by taking a less-hot version of me here; I like, invented him.
15. When the stories from last night come up in conversation and every single one features you.
What I do when I'm blacked out is none of my f*cking business, so keep those stories to yourself!
Or at least be a good friend and talk about it behind my back like everyone else who saw me last night did.
16. When the restaurant only accepts a maximum of three cards.
What is this, North Korea?! Enough with these rules! This is f*cking brunch. Who even has cash on them these days?
If you want to be paid, and better yet, want a good tip, just take our 15 identical Wells Fargo cards and swipe them.
17. When your cheap friend nabs the bill before anyone else can.
Y'all know that girl always diving in first for the bill, don't you? You may think it's because she's taking one for the team, but really she's just trying to scheme her way into a free meal.
You better get someone else to oversee this debauchery before this girl is left at breakfast by herself footing the entire bill.