Sorry, But You Should Be Sorry: 13 Female Behaviors That Will Never Be Justified
Ladies, normally we are incredible human beings, capable of amazing feats, like publishing books and discovering cures and maintaining the preposterous illusion that we don’t sh*t.
We're pretty great at what we do. We’re constantly told that we’re cute and sweet, but perhaps we’ve taken this a little too far.
Twirling our hair on a formal job interview is not "cute." Finishing your roommate’s stash of yogurts and then never refilling them is not "sweet." And yet, we somehow think we’ll get away with it…
Sorry, but we should be sorry. Here are the top 10 female behaviors that are just totally not OK.
1. Asking the bartender to charge your cell phone
Asking a bartender to charge your cell phone is like asking a partner to go on a coffee run -- it’s a little nervy and it’s not in their job description.
We understand that urgent situations do occur, but needing extra battery life so that you can continue gossiping in the group chat about Jay Z and Beyoncé’s marriage can wait until later. You’re at a bar remember? Go talk to actual live people instead!
2. Wearing leggings to work because it’s a fat day and sweatpants are all that fits me right now
We know, we know. The feel of an elastic band on a bloated belly is like when the momma cub cradles the baby in her arms -- it’s a safe place.
But, until the CFDA accepts leggings-as-pants as constitutional, then management reserves the right to bar them from any activities not involving a treadmill.
Fat days suck, but your wardrobe doesn’t need to suffer along with it.
3. Having your boyfriend show up to girl’s night
A surefire way to get everyone in your group dramatically disappointed in you is to bring your boyfriend on a girl’s night.
For about 85 percent of the time, we’re all about the D. For that other 15 percent of the time, we’re flash dancing to Pitbull, taking countless group selfies and screaming how much we love each other.
Let’s not ruin this love fest by bringing a boyfriend into the mix (who probably doesn’t want to be there either).
4. Not washing your hair
You think a few sprinkles of baby powder will disguise the oily Nile River you've got flooding your part? Please, girl. It takes one to know one.
5. Posting a picture of yourself in workout clothes
Unless you’re starting a runner’s blog or consistently tracking your progress, we can all see right through your gratuitous Look at me! I work out hard but I’m still sweat-free and pretty! picture, captioned with something comically fake like, #IWokeUpLikeDis.
Oh-em-gee you run?! Like, with your legs and stuff? And you look unearthly good in all over body spandex? Zero f*cks given.
6. Thinly disguising your smack-talking of a good friend as “venting”
Let’s call a spade a spade. Or better yet, let’s call a sh*t-talk what a sh*t-talk is: something we all kinda sorta love to do unless it’s about someone’s sister.
But stop pretending you’re all nice’n’sh*t when we all know that you talk mad sh*t.
7. Saying you’re not hungry and then eating everyone else’s food
This is just plain wrong. At least intimate to the crew that you’re going to graze on their meals, so the rest of us can stop pretending like we don’t mind your fingers in our food.
Grab a fork, or better yet, order something for yourself. Good talk.
8. Wearing heels to a GA concert and then complaining the whole time
Please don’t ruin a perfectly good Justin Timberlake concert by crying a river about your feet. No judgment on the barefoot alternative -- walk on the wild side.
9. Getting free drinks... for you and your boyfriend
As fellow morally-corrupt companions, we kind of respect this genius move. However, we would never have the balls to actually employ it... unless it was to get back at a douchebag at the bar.
You don’t want him to waste your time as much as he doesn’t want you to waste his money.
10. Flirting with your friend’s boyfriend
Sometimes you need to ask yourself, “Is this kind of behavior worthy of a reality TV show?” and then do the opposite.
11. Twirling your hair on a job interview
Nothing says, "I'm not confident in my abilities" like nervously twirling your hair in front of your potential boss.
Fidgeting with your strands might have landed you an internship, but this is the big leagues where lady bosses wear buns and blazers.
Like your grade school teacher always told you: Keep your hands to yourself.
12. Posting pictures on Facebook of famous models who you think look like you
Yes, we are sad to report but this is actually occurring across news feeds worldwide. Ladies, you don't need to look like anyone but yourself.
And if you do happen to resemble Gisele, don't post it. Chances are we all already know and hate you for it.
13. Not being able to take a compliment
You think receiving compliments is awkward, we get it. But you know what's even more uncomfortable?
The needless back-and-forth that goes on until we insist that you finally accept it. Say "Thank you." It's easier.
Photo Courtesy: Instagram