12 Things Every Woman In The Workplace Is Tired Of Hearing

by Katie Van Brunt

Queen Bey answered the eternal question of who runs the world: girls. Women are incredible humans; we have the ability to run marathons, make decisions, own companies, parent, yell, change our hairstyles, read, dominate, enjoy flowers and enjoy life.

Although we may rep lipstick a tad better than other humans and we may have the ability to turn sperm into beings, we are equal to others.

Is it really a surprise that we are dominating the work force? It shouldn't be. Is it shocking that we aren't making the same salaries as our male counterparts?

Absolutely, since we long ago banished the notion that women are supposed to be in kitchen making sandwiches and not becoming CEOs.

When a male radio host asked dream girl Lauren Conrad about her favorite position, she flawlessly responded "CEO." Preach LC. There a couple of things we, ladies in the workforce, are tired of hearing. Read, digest and learn from this list:

1. You're being a bit bossy.

Am I really being "bossy"? Or are you just not used to a lady boss who can dominate and be assertive?

2. Is it that time of the month again?

This is the worst because if I really was on the rag and bleeding out of my vagina, would you actually want to know? And also — I am allowed to not want to deal with you because you're annoying regardless of my menstruation cycle.

3. Side eyes when I'm dressed super stylish, yet professional, for work.

Shut up. I have long legs and it's difficult to find long skirts! You don't like the lovely, professional design on this skirt? That's your problem; the client complimented me on it!

4. You probably only got this job because you are pretty and flirted your way in.

Wow, you are too smart! You must have watched "Legally Blonde," the best source to learn about the hardships that women face in the workforce.

5. Be careful, you may just chip your nail!

LISTEN. Chipped nail polish is FINE. Also, have you ever heard of f*cking gel nails?! They are essentially armor disguised as nail lacquer. Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I can't make copies effortlessly while not ruining my nails.

6. Have you read "Lean In"? I think it's a bit over the top.

Hmmm "Lean In." You think it's over the top, eh? How would you feel if you knew your female counterparts were making more money than you just because they are women. Yeah, switch perspective and then come talk to me.

7. So, how does it feel to be one of the only women in your field?

It feels fantastic because I get to deal with people like you all day who interpret my gender as a handicap.

8. You're a mom and a full-time employee. How do you do it?

Wait. I have a child? Gosh, I have no idea how I do it! I must have forgotten all about my life the moment I started working. HOLY CRAP. I SHOULD GET HOME TO MY CHILD IMMEDIATELY AND LOCK MYSELF AT HOME FOREVER.

9. You're single? Who pays for everything? Your dad?

Now that I think about it, I don't know who pays for everything. I guess — and this is just a guess — I PAY FOR EVERYTHING.

10. Do you want me to carry this? It looks too heavy for you.

Sir. I appreciate the innocent kindness, but I am a vinyasa flow guru with arms of steel. Carry on.

11. Are you going out after work? You're dressed so nicely.

Oh, sorry I like to put myself together so I don't look like a dog when I walk through the office. Am I wearing a ball gown? No? Great. Sorry, I am not sorry that I like to look like a human being when I work.

12. You look tired. Are you sick?

I don't know, I didn't put on eyeliner. Regardless, just because I woke up late, didn't wash my hair or put on makeup doesn't affect my work ethic.

Top Photo Courtesy: Favim