Toxic Relationships To Drop From Your Life By 30
I used to secretly pride myself in how dynamic and multifaceted my eclectic group of "friends" was.
I was that girl who let anyone and everyone into her orbit.
I rubbed elbows with teenage junkies, called emotionally abusive, misogynistic boy creatures my "friends" and had a slew of melodramatic, narcissistic people in my life who just seemed to ADORE ME.
I was everyone's "best friend."
I lived like this for a long time.
I had friends who slept on my couch. Friends who cried into my pillowcase, their black mascara tears staining my white sheets.
Friends who insisted on sleeping in my bed with me. Friends who never stopped to ask me if I was OK.
By the time I reached my late 20s, I was exhausted, sucked dry.
So, I went and saw a therapist.
"You worry about everyone, but no one is worried about you. How sad," the shrink lady kindly purred to me as I sunk into her velvety couch and inhaled the calming incense burning in the corner of her office.
And that's when it hit me: Destructive, unpredictable people weren't drawn to me because I was non-judgmental and open. They were drawn to me because they could sense how easily manipulated I was.
Right before I turned 30, I went away alone.
I went to a small town in upstate New York and drank Champagne, scribbled in a notebook and thought about things.
One night, after a few glasses of Champs, I decided it was time I had a word with myself.
"You're not going to let just anyone into your life this decade. Unless someone is contributing to your life, they're out," I declared to myself, pouring the last of my Champagne down the kitchen sink.
And today, I feel a million times more energized.
I realized how much SPACE these toxic relationships were taking up in my life. They cluttered me up so much that there wasn't room for anything else.
When I cut them loose, I had all this awesome new space for healthy, loving people to fill.
So, here are 30 toxic relationships you need to eradicate from your life by the age of 30:
1. "The friend" who never asks you any questions about your life
This is the definition of a one-sided relationship, babes.
You're investing your gorgeous heart and your precious energy into someone who doesn't even care to know if you're having a nice day.
2. The energy vampire who sucks you dry
Do you have someone in your life who demands a lot of you energetically? A friend who is constantly in the throes of drama and is forever BEGGING you to come to their rescue?
And when you leave their draining presence, you feel completely exhausted, like the air has been drained out of your soul, and you're nothing but a deflated, lifeless body?
It seems you've found yourself in the company of an energy vampire. I have two words: Stay away.
3. The person who is always trying to get you to self-destruct
If they're always trying to get you to break your diet, take drugs, skip class, blow off work or engage in a slew of other self-destructive behaviors, it's time to walk away, baby.
4. The killjoy
If you're surrounded by people who can't think of anything nice to say, are full of generalized hatred and neglect to see an ounce of beauty in the world, set yourself free from the painful tethers of their negative energy.
5. The person who always feels the need to comment on your weight
People who fat- and skinny-shame their friends are battling their own body image demons.
And those deep-rooted demons are to be fought alone, not with you.
6. The gossip whom you've never trusted anyway
A friend is a friend because you trust that they'll never reveal your secrets.
7. The friend who's always asking you for money
Support your friends emotionally, spiritually and with boundless humor and love.
But, it's never your responsibility to support your friends financially.
8. The hard-partying friend who only wants to hang out if you have booze or drugs
This person doesn't care about you, they care about your stash of Champagne and the baggie of drugs they think might be holding court in the folds of your purse.
9. The person you wouldn't trust alone in a room with your significant other
Don't keep people around who you think would indulge in one of the ugliest forms of betrayal.
10. The opportunist who only ever calls you when you're thriving in your life
Somebody doesn't get to be your friend if they're only excited to see you when you're crushing it in life. They don't get to hang around only for your big moments that they believe will elevate them by association.
A friend is there when you're dead broke, depressed, successful, in love and heartbroken.
Life is nuanced, and if a friend can't handle all the nuances of your beautifully diverse, ebb-and-flow life, they don't deserve to be in it.
11. The family member who makes you feel like shit about your life choices
You're not obligated to be around anyone who treats you like an emotional punching bag, blood relatives included.
The beauty of being an adult is you can build your own family, made up of friends and mentors who fiercely love and support you.
12. The lover who is always trying to change you
This kind of person will make you feel like you're doing something wrong by simply being yourself.
But the truth is, the most right thing you can do is simply be yourself.
13. The lover you're always trying to rescue
Walk away, and let this person rescue themselves.
14. The person who inherently does not get you
If someone doesn't "get" you and is constantly making you question your own inner-wisdom, forget them.
They are plenty of people in the world who will not only get you but also embrace the core of the beautifully weird, gorgeously quirky person that you are.
15. The friend you only enjoy being around after you've had three shots of tequila
You don't like them. You like the tequila.
16. The self-absorbed person who has never been there for you
That friend who constantly drops the ball on you, never picks up their phone when you're in crisis or is never there when you need them is not your friend.
17. The mean-spirited friend who is constantly shit-talking
Mean-spirited people who live to tear others down are emitting toxic energy into the already polluted universe.
And when you're around so much toxic energy, you can't help but absorb some of it.
18. The mansplainer
I've finally reached a place in my life where I'm done with men who say they want to help me with my career, but at the same time know nothing about what I do or the industry I'm in.
I used to feel obligated to listen to their endless lectures.
I used to feel obligated to bat my pretty, pretty lashes and bestow them with a million "thank yous" for their annoying, unwarranted garble.
I don't anymore.
So girls, own that you know your shit, and don't let a DUDE of any age ever mansplain you.
19. The abusive boss
If you have a boss who is constantly screaming at you and telling you how incompetent you are, they're abusive.
Find a new job, babe.
And in the meantime, protect yourself from the wicked wrath of this villain by keeping your emotional distance.
20. The unpredictable head case
If you don't whether they're going to scream at you or throw their arms around you and tell you they love you, they're an unpredictable head case.
Real friendships aren't built on the shaky ground of unpredictability.
21. The guy who makes you feel uncomfortable
I don't care if he's been a good friend. If he gives you the creeps, you don't have to hang out with him, like, ever again, babe!
22. The mean person you have sex with when you're feeling shitty
We fuck people who are mean to us when we feel shitty because they treat us the way we feel about ourselves inside.
But you know what? They don't deserve our sacred intimacy.
23. YOUR EX WHO HAS HISTORICALLY TREATED YOU HORRIBLY
Think of this person as a drug: The more you pop this person into your mouth, the longer you'll stay addicted.
And so long as you're addicted to something so toxic, you won't attract amazing energy that will keep you healthy.
24. The competitive friend who is always trying to one-up you
Real friends are stoked when you're killing it, and they want to bask in your spotlight, not steal it.
25. The fuck-buddy you secretly love, but who will never date you
Babes, get rid of any douche bag who won't date you. I have two words: their loss.
26. The cold-hearted entity who never gives you a compliment
Compliments are lovely and make people feel warm and cozy inside.
Only the cold-hearted are stingy with their compliments.
27. Anyone who makes you feel stupid
Replace them with the people who make you feel smart.
28. Anyone who makes you feel ugly
Replace them with the people who make you feel beautiful.
29. Anyone who picks on you incessantly and thinks it's funny
Anyone who finds humor in being mean to a friend has a weak imagination and a shitty sense of humor.
30. Anyone who tries to keep you just for themselves
Anyone who "loves you" and attempts to alienate you from your friends and your family, is a light stealer. They're trying to put a shade over your magnificent light by hoarding you for themselves.
So babes, cut these toxic people lose, and set yourself free.