Without giving away their anonymity, I can say they were unanimous in their experience with the phenomenon.
Finding out this is, essentially, a very common problem, I'm wondering why I haven't "felt the burn" myself.
But, I ate dog food when I was a kid, so my stomach is pretty much made of steel.
A recent article from Medical Daily has tried to clear up the mystery of "the poop burns" for good.
Capsaicin, a chemical that gives spicy foods their unique taste, binds to a special pain receptor found all over your body.
This pain receptor obviously senses the pain, and it lets your brain know what's up.
However, not ALL of the capsaicin you eat gets fully digested, so in order to find another way out, it takes the ole' backdoor.
This is why when you eat hot sauce or a jalapeno pepper and that food makes its exit out the back, the pain receptors that went off in your mouth ring the alarms again.
But this time, it's from your butthole.
I also found out why some people don't experience this weird anal phenomenon.
Those of us who are more accustomed to these spicy cuisines have adapted, and our bodies know not to panic when the sensation of burning happens.
So, it's not that we DON'T experience the burn. It just doesn't make such a huge impact on our assholes.
As a writer, it's my job to unravel the mysteries of life like these.
That way, you don't have to go down some awful rabbit hole on WebMD when all you wanted to do was enjoy your damn burrito.
So, I hope I've done you proud, people. God speed.