Stage One: The Beginning Of The End
I've decided to write about something that happened to me recently.
It occurred earlier this week, in fact, so it's all still a little raw, but I guess that makes for the best writing –- when it's honest, true and still fresh.
I suffered an inevitable work meltdown. Overcome with stress, anxiety, fear and desolation over a job I didn't even like, it came as a blessing in disguise.
Stage Two: Realization
So, it turns out I'm not suited to the 9-5 office job that seems to be the norm these days, and it took me around nine months to even realize.
Nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.
In my situation, I'd been making "serious mistakes" for around about a month or so.
Why? Because I wasn't connected to the job, I didn't enjoy what I was doing, I wasn't excited about what I was working on or about the future of my role.
You know that Sunday night dread?
Well, I had it everyday of the week.
I left work on a Friday with my stomach wrenching, mind somersaulting, thinking, "I wonder what I will come into on Monday, which will have been my fault?"
Lack of yearning equals mistakes, which equal chaos. Simple.
Stage Three: Self-Doubt
For three months, I longingly stared out the window,
For three months, I toyed with the idea of handing in my notice, but didn't have the balls.
It was a vicious cycle. A girl's got to eat and got bills to pay.
I thought, "If I leave, what the hell else am I gonna do? I need to have a plan, a back-up? I'll have to start over again as I certainly don't see a future in this kind of role."
I was afraid of even trying to leave because the money was steady and I assumed similar companies in the industry would take one look at my CV and either decide I wasn't suited for the role I had applied for, the role I wanted, due to lack of experience or offer me a role in exactly what I was doing now:
The same job that I dreaded going to, the job I struggled to concentrate on doing, the job I continually made mistakes in.
It was like swimming against a strong tide.
Stage Four: FEAR
My biggest fear was becoming comfortable and settling for something I wasn't happy doing, but I pushed on thinking, "maybe this will get better."
I looked around the room, everyone else was engrossed in their computers.
A lot of the time, no one spoke to each other. We just emailed from across the desk.
I thought, "Is it just me that thinks this is weird? Is it just me who dreams of traveling the world? Is it just me that wants to inspire people with my words and actions?"
Surely, we work to live, not live to work? I didn't dare bring up the subject during lunch as this corporate way of working and process was clearly normal for everyone else.
Stage Five: Daily Affirmation -- "Everything Will Be OK"
If you are reading this and are nodding along or feel like you're in a similar situation, I beg you to get out as soon as you can.
The job is not worth it.
Great things are coming, I promise you.
Life always finds a way to work itself out.
Ask yourself if you honestly see yourself progressing in this role.
Do you see a future in what you are doing?
Do you thrive with passion, excitement and yearning?
If you answered yes to all these, then GREAT!
If you answered no, then you need to chase your dreams because they won't find you.
Not everyone is suited for an office job like me, but a lot of people are.
It's just about tapping into what you feel comfortable doing at the end of the day.
Don't settle for second best.
If you know it's not what you want deep down, then don't move forward with it.
Only you know exactly what you want and the necessary steps you need to take to get there.
I haven't figured out exactly where I'm going yet in my career and that's OK.
I love writing, meeting new people and expressing myself, so that's a start.
I believe in positive energy and not to sound cliché, but everything really does happen for a reason.
Stage Six: Onwards And Upwards
For those of you who are interested, I was working as a digital marketer for an online fashion retailer in their CRM team.
I'm not in the job anymore and I feel positive it was the right decision to amicably part ways with the company, and that's how I'm currently managing my meltdown.
I'm not looking back, dwelling or being negative about what happened.
It was for the best.
If you want to chat more about my experience, my thoughts moving forward or just need comforting, please email me at email@example.com.
I'd love for you to get in touch.