If You Avoid The Dentist, It'll Be The Most Expensive Mistake Of Your 20s

Comedy Central

Dentists are the mob.

They are certified, but they function exactly like members of the organized crime ring.


Because they RIP OUT YOUR TEETH and take all your money.

Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment I should've had a decade ago. But, I put it off for the entirety of my 20s because I am an idiot and I was busy, OK?

I have two baby teeth (well, one now) that never fell out of my head. As it turns out, this is common, almost as common as avoiding the dentist.

I finally made this dentist appointment because for the first time out of college, I have full benefits in a job I love.

So, there was really no better time than now to bite the bullet, get in the chair and fix myself up.

I thought, "How bad can it be?"

Pretty fucking terrible, as it turns out.

Six cavities, one tooth extraction, one bone graft and a porcelain implant later, my total cost AFTER insurance out of pocket rang to the tune of whopping $3,408.

I honestly wish they would have just drilled a hole directly into my fucking head.

The worst part? This removal wasn't optional.

It was time-sensitive because an infection happened to be growing above the root, and having gums filled with puss is just not something I'm willing to live with.

Not to mention, an infection in the jaw could potentially develop into something a lot worse.

When I heard what the cost of all my dental work would be, I gazed up at my dentist incredulously.

"How could this be costing me so much when I have insurance?" I asked with more polite restraint than I've ever been able to muster. (He's lucky he's sexy AF.)

"Well, dental insurance is more of a discount than anything else," he answered with a practiced kind of sympathy that made me want to torch the whole office and burn it to the ground.

But I'm a Millennial, so instead of committing arson, I'm writing a think piece.

Insurance companies (like, ahem, Cigna) generally provide way more coverage for preventative care than they do for major operations, which means a good deal of money is being made off Millennials facing increased dental problems from not visiting the tooth doctor.

Think about it: In the years after college, you are focusing your attention on getting jobs, finding apartments and building a life for yourself.

Not to mention, there's the gap years when you're off your parents' health insurance plan, which adds to the lack of focus on dental health.

A poll done by Gallup even found that in 2014, one-third of adults hadn't been to the dentist all year.

Something clearly needs to be done to make dental care more affordable and available to young adults because apparently, we are all headed straight for dentures by the time we turn 50.

How tragic would that be?

A generation of Instagram models and YouTube stars with not one real tooth left in our heads.

It's exactly the kind of poetic justice all those Millennial-hating, mobbed-up dentists are hoping for, and we cannot let them win.

So, go to the dentist.

There are dental schools that will provide you with the preventative care you need to get for cheap. You're supposed to go get your teeth cleaned every six months, and if that doesn't work for you, do it once a year at least.

Just bite the bullet now so you won't want to shoot yourself with one later.

Speaking of which, would someone please just fucking shoot me? My teeth hurt.