15 Celebrity All-Stars Who Are Exactly Like The Players At Your Gym
Over the past few years, the NBA's annual celebrity All-Star game has become one of the more interesting events held during the league's mid-season break.
Sure, the whole idea of the NBA All-Star weekend may center on the gathering of the league's best talents all in one place, but there's just something about watching amateurs who happen to be famous that is as fun as watching, say, point guards complete an obstacle course faster than all others in order to be crowned "Skills" champion.
The celebrity game is just great, and more relatable than any other All-Star weekend event, mostly because the celebs are generally no better than we are.
It's practically impossible to watch the contest without comparing it to the pick-up games you play at your favorite gym.
And I'm here to tell you, from having watched up close, it can feel like looking in the mirror.
Here are 15 celeb All-Stars who remind you of all the stereotypical players you face during your pick-up game.
Comedian Sarah Silverman
You had only had nine players, so you panicked and ended up picking the first shmuck you could find, who didn't really want to play that much in the first place.
And it's not long 'til you find out why, these guys' senseless fouls and flustered play prove just how in over their heads they are.
Forget the ides of March, always beware the 10th.
Comedian Kevin Hart
This player is both the smallest player in the gym and, yet, the most confrontational.
Usually sporting big muscles to compensate for their small stature, the Napoleons, to their credit, have a tendency to use their low center of gravity and quickness perfectly to their advantage.
Little League phenom Mo'ne Davis
You're reluctant to let these guys play at first (they're too young to play with the big boys, you know).
But eventually their skill becomes too big of an elephant in the room to ignore and you let them play, only to find yourself the butt of the joke after you get crossed repeatedly by kids who definitely have a set bedtime.
The Pretty Boy
"Grey's Anatomy" star Jesse Williams
It's honestly a surprise when these guys can play because, let's be honest, it's hard not to judge the book by its cover.
Still, there will always be a part of you that struggles to take them seriously as everything else about them screams "soft."
The Trash Talker
"America's Got Talent" host Nick Cannon
Nick Cannon summed up everything you need to know about these type of players in an interview with SI.
...I always know I'm not going to do good in the game, and at this point I think I'm just trash talking about how I've been in more All-Star games than anybody.
That sums up trash talkers right there. The greatest skill they rely on isn't an actual skill. It's kind of sad, actually.
WNBA All-Star Skylar Diggins
Every gym has that well-known player who's simply a grownup amongst kids. These players can coast through games on cruise control, usually resolving not to exert too much energy on mere mortals.
Put them up against an actual challenge or a trash talker, and they'll show no mercy on their mission to embarrass.
"Blackish" star Anthony Anderson
This player undermines the integrity and intensity of your pick-up games with an excessive desire to make a joke at every turn possible.
We get it, you're cool with everybody, you like to reference insiders with everyone and basketball is about fun.
Now stop playing around and set that pick. Winning is even more fun.
Arcade Fire lead vocalist Win Butler
If blasphemy really is the act of offending what is sacred, then these players truly deserve their reputations.
These guys would take a perfectly good pair of retro Jordans, that you would only use to get fresh, and ruin them in a random game of basketball.
Red Octobers though? Really?
The Rusty One
WNBA All-Star Tina Charles
It's not until after you've picked these (usually reliable) players that they'll spew the refrain that will scare the bejesus out of you: "I ain't ball in a minute."
Next thing you know, they're bricking a layup, even though you just zig-zagged through the lane before handing them a gorgeous no-look pass. Smh.
The "Wait, What?"
Memphis Grizzlies owner Robert Pera
There'll always be something about the guys with the modest demeanors that suggest they can't play. So when they've really got game, you can't help but be taken aback.
This happens mostly on colleges campuses, where the fact that you know people so well off the court sometimes makes their on-court personality so surprising.
Wait, what!? Jason from chem lab is actually nice?
Rapper and "Selma" star Common
Yes, I know that Common is not Scott Scorch (I know my music personalities, all right?), but the rapper does deserve the play on words of the latter's name.
In fact, any player who has a tendency to play less defense than a New York City subway turnstile like Common did at MSG deserves the name. The rule is very simple. One of your buddies gets scorched? He's Scott Scorch now.
"42" star Chadwick Boseman
No matter what, you can count on these guys to deliver a credible performance.
They might not be the greatest on the court, but they're the kind of guys who can accompany you to play any sport without embarrassing themselves.
Whether it's on the turf, the volleyball court or the hardwood, the athletes are always reliable.
The Old Heads
Ex-NBA players Allan Houston and Chris Mullin
These guys are perhaps the most frustrating to play against.
You were sure they lost it, and you played lax defense accordingly. "I want them to take that shot," you thought, only to have a series of three pointers drained in your face.
If anything, these players will teach you an important lesson: Athleticism can wane, but once you've got the cannon, you've got it for good.
Actor Ansel Elgort
These players are mostly there for you.
Most of your friends know how to ball, except for these players, but you implore them to come along anyway, all in the name of not leaving someone out.
But this is, ultimately, to the players' undoing. Now you've just opened them up to be embarrassed, while other unfamiliar players on the court wonder who these frauds are.
The Washington Wizards' actual mascot
These players are good for nothing really. Despite playing frequently, the only skill they've developed is a propensity to clap and cheer despite not contributing anything tangible to your success.
At some point, you'll think they're better off staying away from the actual action and putting on a mascot's costume.