Look, Twitter was not invented for sophisticated intellectual discourse. We all know that.
Nope, Twitter was invented for situations exactly like this: when people just feel like sharing with the world their favorite phrases to yell out when they orgasm.
OK, that probably wasn't exactly what the founder of Twitter had in mind, but too bad, Jack Dorsey, because that is exactly what is happening.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm like 99 percent certain none of these people are being honest with their #ThingsIYellWhenICum tweets.
I mean, who has time to think of something to yell when you're at the height of sexual ecstasy? Honestly, I'd be pretty weirded out if someone I was with did that.
But for the sake of comedy, I guess let's pretend these Twitter jokers might actually say these things during sex.
Fair warning, this gets pretty weird.
Also, you have to endure people spelling "come" as c-u-m, which is just the worst. What is this, ninth grade?
Things are getting pretty loony in the bedroom for this person.
This person's really dedicated to ruining Disney movies for us all.
Now this is just plain educational.
Who wouldn't be down for some fun facts about insects in bed?
This person is already several steps ahead of post-coital cuddling.
This person is keeping her priorities perfectly clear.
And this person's keeping the spirit of early 2000s pop punk alive.
Only '90s kids remember.
Cool, well thanks for ruining my day with this super weird hashtag everyone!
And might I suggest to all you readers that you never have sex with any of these people.