Amateur brides and grooms, please STOP inviting Singapore blogger Juli “Bun Bun” to your weddings.
She does not have time to watch all of you walk tragedy tightropes in your Barnum & Bonehead traveling circuses of savagery, OK?
If you insist on making Juli sit through anything even resembling a crap wedding, she will blog-assault you into goddamn oblivion, just as she did when her husband, Mr. Mode, dragged her to his friend's dismal NOPEtials.
Juli doesn't need to know you well to know your wedding will be a massive waste of time she could otherwise spend blogging about red bean soup.
WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR CAR?
The wedding should have hired Danny L. He did Juli and Mr. Mode's wedding car, and it was a flawless bliss mobile. This car deco is $300 worth of kindling for the world's ugliest bonfire.
Hello, turds, it's called a carabiner. Don't make your brother scale the building of this trap house you call a ceremony hall. Keep track of your keys like a normal person.
UGH, JULI IS NOT THE BRIDE. She can't help she looks so bomb, and the bride looks like a ratchet mouse drowning in a bucket of fabric scraps.
Time to eat and reign in the rage induced by this slopfest. Why is that Filipino stranger announcing the groom and his mother for a dance?
Hold on… Is he the waiter? Jeez, Juli could have EASILY emceed for you hapless rubes if you asked nicely.
Listen, it's not your fault your wedding sucked harder than the final seven seasons of “Dexter” (I SAID IT, AND I'D SAY IT AGAIN). You tried super hard, and you failed even harder. Juli forgives you.
Following the wedding, Juli removed the rant from her blog. She claimed,
On second [thought] I have decided to take down this post, just in case. I don't want people taking my words out of context.
The context is: Juli rules, you drool.