This Is The Reason We Can All Finally Shut Up About Our Body Issues

There have been a slew of stories circulating in the news lately about body-shaming -- from fat-shaming to thin-shaming, to shaming for not acknowledging the shaming.

On the subject, Jennifer Lawrence recently spoke out saying Hollywood needs to embrace a "new normal" body type.

Sorry to break it to you, J-Law, but there is no such thing as a "normal" body type. No two bodies are the same; therefore, no body can be normal. By labeling one body type in such a way, you're effectively saying all other body types are abnormal.

But the reality is we're not all a bunch of automatons, factory-generated to be a few different colors and sizes (not yet anyway). We're more like giant, fleshy snowflakes. Organic, adaptive and wonderfully weird, we should be so astounded by our physical existence.

Still, we spend countless hours agonizing over the "perfect" body and beating ourselves up when we inevitably don't achieve an impossible fantasy.

I'm arguing that we should cut that rhetoric out ASAP. We are porous sacs of fluid that only function when 1,000 minute tasks go right. That is mind-boggling and we should be worried about the fragility of our predicament, not if our butts can double as tabletops.

We all need to start appreciating the fact we have bodies in the first place.

Here are some fun facts that will leave you in awe of your body:

1. Our brain cells are not all the same. There are up to 10,000 different types of neurons bouncing around in your head right now.

2. You have anywhere from 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day. About two thirds of those thoughts are negative. Surprised?

3. If you diet too hard, your brain will actually start eating itself.

4. The acid in your stomach is so powerful it can dissolve razor blades.

5. Cells are generating and dying in your body all the time.

6. Also, you are 100 percent recycled. Every tiny fragment of your body has had a life of its own already.

Maybe if we focused less on the perceived issues and more on the fact that we are all the greatest living wonders of the world, everyone could be a little more content with being alive.

I want to be very clear that whining because you don't have a thigh gap is very different from having a legitimate mental disorder. I'll admit, I've had my own struggles with eating disorders; I'm no stranger to that voice inside your head telling you every hour, on the hour that you're not good enough.

Get this: I'm a thin, white woman with privilege oozing out of my eye sockets, and there are days I loathe my body.

But that's just your brain playing tricks on you, and who knows why she plays dirty like that. For all of our studies and surveys, the brain is still a mystery, so for all we know, our brains could just be personal manifestations of Regina George chilling in all of our skulls.

I really shouldn't have thought up that theory because it's actually going to keep me up at night. Damn you, brain.

We should all remember, too, that actors have their own problems to worry about, like if their kale salad was properly massaged and their Botox looks natural. They don't need you criticizing their bodies -- or anything about their appearance for that matter. They're humans just like us, basically.

So, if you have a problem with actors looking too thin or too fat or too proportionally perfect, then don't watch TV or movies anymore. Pick up a book and start reading. You can imagine whatever body shape you please that way. For example, I imagine Christian Grey to be morbidly obese just for the fun of it.

So, at the end of the day, you gotta do you, boo. Don't let anyone, least of all yourself, shame you for being a beautiful, weird anomaly of a human being.