Ahhh, that sweet spot of privilege where you're rich enough to not worry about dying every day, but poor enough you're still ready to complain about everything.
I don't know about you guys, but that's the paradise where I live, and, in this paradise, I have these beautiful things known as first world problems.
Hey, just because my problems are small doesn't mean they aren't urgent. For example, my office is out of free snacks right now, but I brought a small lunch and am still hungry! I think that deserves a little national attention.
Luckily, I can always count on Twitter to back me up in my quest of being a selfish assh*le. People have been sharing their own tiny, yet urgent, problems and tagging them #StateOfEmergencyIn5Words, and they are truly tragic.
Poisoned water in Michigan? Broken trains due to snow? These so-called states of emergency have nothing on the people of Twitter.
Here are some souls who really know suffering.
You don't know true panic until you've been here.
Oh God, delete everything and never tweet again.
What is this hellscape you describe, sir?
*Michael Scott voice* Oh God. No. Please God. Nooooooooo.
Well, that's probably not gonna happen, thank goodness.
This is the part where you just give up...
#StateOfEmergencyIn5Words I am out of coffee pic.twitter.com/LNdoQ82zda — Last Pirate in LA (@BONNIELYNN2015) January 25, 2016
...but this cruel fate may be even worse.
It'll be fine, just go ahead and set your phone on fire.
OK, this one might not be a joke.
Yikes. Don't forget to vote!