If it seems like you're the only one who didn't enter a lifelong commitment with another human being over the holidays, it's entirely true.
Facebook was flooded with engagement updates, leaving the un-affianced among us feeling like we had zero percent of our sh*t together.
Anyone still experiencing the sting of eternal loneliness can take solace in these Whisper posts revealing engaged life isn't for everyone.
It was a total dumpster proposal. I am basically his garbage queen.
I hypnotized him. It was not romantic, but on the plus side, I can list "hypnotism" as one of my special skills now.
Everyone clapped and called us Mr. and Mrs. Doodoo Legs.
He kept calling me by his name. It was confusing.
I had to kidnap both of his parents and his newborn niece.
“Yes! A million times, yes!" I cried, covered in my own bodily fluids.
He ended up marrying the monkey, so that felt kind of personally offensive.
He burped, asked me to marry him, farted and then left the 7-Eleven without me.
I turned to look him in the eye just as he yelled, "It's-a me! Marry-o me!" and said, "Yes," even though I knew the pun was weak at best.
Our relationship is based on fear. It's actually a solid foundation.
It turns out he had the wrong window open and meant to propose to my sister. I already quit my job to move for him, so it was a little awkward. LOL.
Once he was down on one knee, I started chanting, "SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!" but it didn't take.
I heard him come crashing in at 4 am before barging into our bedroom and screaming, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I'M ALL YOURS." Then, he threw a ring at my forehead, and we've been inseparable since.
For more relationship confessions, check out Whisper.