It's starting to feel as though society might be using comically low-stakes online debates to avoid facing the real problems affecting not only its individual members but the world at large.
Before we dive deeper into that, though, let's talk about the recent controversy over monkey emojis!
Twitter user jomny sun, an alter ego of artist Jonathan Sun, is currently polling users on whether the Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil monkey emojis represent one monkey making three faces or three different monkeys.
seriouse question!!! — jomny sun (@jonnysun) May 9, 2016
Needless to say, what at first appeared to be a perfectly innocent question got every-damn-one riled up at record speeds.
With five days of voting left, the results are tied up at 50 percent for one monkey and 50 percent for three monkeys.
The three-monkey crowd is pulling some weight with a fact-checking strategy, a debate mainstay.
.@jonnysun Wikipedia literally states there are THREE wise monkeys with THREE SEPARATE NAMES. check and mate. pic.twitter.com/2CtqbpSRjE — Sam Escobar (@myhairisblue) May 10, 2016
@jonnysun Not even a debate. The "one monkey" people are explicitly wrong pic.twitter.com/nW5ePUZAeU — Andrew McDonald (@AndrewM138) May 10, 2016
@jonnysun @BuzzFeed jomny, we all know it's the three "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" monkeys. Pls stop — Anilorotze Lomar (@carsofreidginsb) May 11, 2016
@bayIey @jonnysun next you'll be saying the three wise men were just one guy carrying 3 gifts — Xythar (@Xythar) May 10, 2016
@jonnysun JOMNY THE THREE MONKEYS HAVE DIFFERENT NAMES AND EVERYTHING — Jack Newhouse (@Chirurgic) May 10, 2016
The one-monkey crowd is depending on deception and lies (to themselves and others), another long-employed debate tactic.
@jonnysun IS THIS REALLY WHO YOU WANT TO AGREE WITH PEOPLE??? pic.twitter.com/vekqGcn1s4 — The Monkey Emoji (@onlymonkeyemoji) May 10, 2016
@jonnysun #onemonkey pic.twitter.com/1TN7oZrdBX — venti trouble (@sakanaina) May 11, 2016
@jonnysun @jarry obviously it's the same goddamn monkey, why would you bring 3 separate monkeys to a photoshoot? — Luke Bailey (@imbadatlife) May 10, 2016
@jonnysun the most obvious answer pic.twitter.com/wKLyib2pCq — josh (@ruinedpicnic) May 11, 2016
A third faction is just watching the Internet burn to the ground from a distance.
@jonnysun pic.twitter.com/qPdPA6UK3b — Sarah Kay (@kaysarahsera) May 10, 2016
. @jonnysun things are getting deep in the group chat pic.twitter.com/tJTgjL2AvD — Beth Chvilicek (@bethchvilicek) May 11, 2016
@jonnysun this is war pic.twitter.com/H0mOUqU1sc — mch.ael (@nerdffreak) May 10, 2016
@jonnysun pic.twitter.com/LULZZt7dsi — Brian O'Donnell (@LeBrianODonnell) May 11, 2016
Remember, we won't know the results for another five days, so stay strong and hold on for at least that long.