Wow, what an exciting day, you guys. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I woke up after only four snoozes today instead of five, and Apple just announced a bunch of new gadgets that I secretly want but will never be able to afford if I ever want to eat. Yes, the long-awaited details about the iPhone 8 were announced, along with a surprised drop of the iPhone 8 Plus AND a totally unheard of iPhone X (pronounced iPhone ten) at the same time. But is there an iPhone 9? Well, honestly, it seems like there isn't, or at least Apple didn't mention one.
Now, you'd think people would be so hyped over these insane releases, they'd forget all about the fact that Apple literally just said an implied F you to the iPhone 9. I mean, my head is spinning, friends. So many expensive things for me to drop one time and break, so little time. For a brief second, even I totally didn't pay attention to it. But then, I remembered I'm a grown adult who can count to 10 if she tries really hard, and I know there's a number in between eight and 10. So don't worry, poor, little number nine. I haven't forgotten you. And Twitter certainly hasn't either.
In fact, Twitter is having a field day making jokes (mostly the same one) about how there's no iPhone 9.
The iPhone 7 is one hungry iPhone.
I can't believe Taylor Swift is actually the iPhone 7.
I can't believe Fight Club is actually the iPhone 9.
I'm shakin', you guys.
What is the government not telling us about the number nine?
If you listen really closely, you can hear the quiet sobs of the tossed-aside iPhone 9.
Honestly, we should've seen this coming. The signs were all there.
iPhone 9: "No, no I'm on the guest list. Could you check again, please?"
Yo, seven is a f*cking savage eating every single nine like that.
Just kidding, Apple is the real savage here.
YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING I OWN, TIM COOK. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
iPhone 9 or Gretchen Weiners? You decide.
iPhone 9: Gone, but not forgotten.
Has somebody talked to the iPhone 9? Is it OK? How's it doing?
We've all been iPhone 9 before.
I am also overlooked, forgotten, and probably really bitter and emo about both of those things.
Anyway, as we all mourn the loss of the iPhone that never even got a chance, Apple doesn't want us to forget that the hyped up, light-up rectangles, otherwise known as iPhone 8 and iPhone 8 Plus, which will cost $699 and $799, respectively, will be available for preorder on Sept. 15, 2017 and available for purchase on Sept. 22, 2017. And the even more glorified iPhone X that costs more than my entire life is worth (seriously almost $1000) can be preordered starting on Oct. 27, 2017 and is expected to ship on Nov. 3, 2017.
Who knows the real reason why Apple decided to make the jump from iPhone 8 to iPhone X and leave poor, unsuspecting iPhone 9 waiting at the door, ready to be picked up, only to be abandoned. (LOL, sorry, too much?) In a press release, Apple's Chief Design Officer Jony Ive said,
For more than a decade, our intention has been to create an iPhone that is all display. The iPhone X is the realization of that vision. With the introduction of iPhone ten years ago, we revolutionized the mobile phone with Multi-Touch. iPhone X marks a new era for iPhone — one in which the device disappears into the experience.
I guess iPhone 9 just couldn't meet that vision. But it's OK, iPhone 9. The internet hasn't forgotten you. I haven't forgotten you.
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