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Facebook Events App Makes It Too Easy To Find Your Ex At A Party

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Sup, stalkers? You wondering what Darren's up to tonight? Same.

Darren is sexy as hell and I full-on follow him everywhere he goes.

Lucky for our obsequious asses, a new app, Facebook Events, is about to make it so much easier to keep tabs on Darren's foyne face AND body (10/10 amirite?) every waking minute.

The app will organize events you've been invited to on Facebook into a handy in-app calendar you can sync with your other calendar apps, Mashable reports.

Facebook reps also suggested users could check in to see which events their friends (Darren) found interesting or decided to attend.

The app's description reads,

Catch up on the latest events activity, events your friends have recently responded to and updates from hosts... Get event recommendations based on what's popular with your friends, things you've been to in the past and Pages you like.

Basically, if Darren clicks “going,” “maybe” or even just “interested” on an event, you can be waiting outside of the party, casually wearing his favorite band's t-shirt hours before his delicious hiney even rolls up in an Uber Pool.

Apple users can currently download Facebook Events in the App Store -- though, unlike the Facebook Messenger app, it isn't mandatory -- and it's expected to be made available to Android users “soon.”

If “soon” isn't good enough for you Android devotees, just cave and buy an iPhone.

It will definitely hurt your wallet short-term, but simply squash your doubts by imagining what Darren's hair probably smells like today (it depends on whether he showered at his apartment or the gym this morning).

The future is here and it's all just calendars, TBH.

REMINDER: Do not stalk people. It's a gross invasion of their privacy. Except for Darren. He's just too foyne. I'm kidding! Don't stalk Darren, either.

Citations: Facebook is spinning off Events into a separate app, but don't freak out (Mashable)