A baby shower is not – as I believed as a child – a party where adults gather to proudly watch a baby take its very first shower. Apparently, there isn't even a baby there. There are just several adults who keep talking about how excited they are that a baby is eventually going to show up.
They should call it a "fetus shower." Although, that does sound a bit like a day when fetuses rain from the sky.
Anyway, one army specialist submitted a request for leave so that he could attend a baby shower. His request was denied by his commanding officer, who explained,
MEN DON'T GO TO BABY SHOWERS.
Apparently, according to this man, men should not be excited about a baby taking its first shower.
So, the specialist decided to resubmit his form and change his reason to fit his commanding officer's particular point of view regarding masculinity.
His revised leave request read as follows:
Going home to the Appalachian mountains to drink whiskey, wrestle bears, and shoot lots of guns. I also plan to grow out a beard, chop down a hundred trees with my axe and eat 10 lbs of thick cut bacon with my wife, whom I plan to have lots of unprotected sex with, because I am a man and that's just what we do. Football.
There's no word as to whether or not this man was granted leave to go get excited about a baby being born, but I have to assume that with the inclusion of the word "football," his commanding officer would have felt obligated to comply.