EVERYBODY SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. SHUT UP. STOP. SHHHHHH.
Come here. I have to show you something very splendid.
You know how the internet is a wicked, hateful place where loneliness comes to metastasize? Well, within that same internet also exists a subreddit where Richard Spencer was never born, Beyoncé won the Grammy and everyone kept their missiles to themselves.
Brushy Brushy is a digital utopia of clips, GIFs and pics of animals being brushed. That's it. Don't try to make this more than it is.
Feast your hungry eyes on "smol cat havin a brush" and tell me the hot, painful tension in your chest didn't melt a little.
Thank you, user RubiksEdits. Imagine me giving your hair a gentle, gracious brush.
Jill the squirrel was paralyzed with euphoria while getting her haunches combed up good.
Thank you, RhaellaT. *brush*
This brilliant piglet spent seven semesters developing a cure for hereditary blindness, but she isn't too proud to let someone else get right in there bristle-first and scrub her short little hairs.
Thank you, ShaneH7646. *brush*
Precious Hulk the Rhino Iguana walks around all day with what looks like a scrotum on top of his head AND where his jowls should be, but that stress can't keep him from unwinding under the touch of a toothbrush.
Thank you, Leuhhh. *brush*
This pup had a hard week of jury duty and even got yelled at by the district attorney for pooping in the jury box! He's ready to feel those bristles wander.
Thank you, princessdessi. *brush*
Oscar proudly defended Obama for two terms as a member of the Secret Service. Now, he spends his days surrendering to the siren call of the brush.
Thank you, the_dude_upvotes. *brush*
This Gray Whale left her pod to live a nomad's life, writing travel books and scouring the seven seas for the best scrub man or beast can give.
Thank you, Ernest1863. *brush*
Fadjen the bull is in the middle of a contentious divorce from his wife, Fadjina, and sometimes a stiff brush is the only thing that gets him out of bed in the morning.
Thank you, kf7zde. *brush*
Warner is a Friesian ladykiller with bangs that say "I spent the summer of 2006 following From First to Last on tour." He needs a brush as that feels better than heroine.
Thank you, Xisayg. *brush*
Happy National Pet Day. May brush be with you. And also with you.