Montreal has a new Christmas tree (EH), and let's just say it's not exactly the Rockefeller tree's lookalike.
It's a little more, dare I say, phallic in its dimensions... more priapic in its appearance... more, uh... *goes to thesaurus, flips through pages*
Oh, who am I kidding? It looks like a goddamn, semi-hard penis, OK?
Montreal's christmas tree looks like it has an erectile disfunction @JdeMontreal #MontrealSapin pic.twitter.com/cs8Vh3aeQQ — Pacifist Duck (@Pacifist_Duck) December 6, 2016
Warning: If you experience Christmas spirit for more than four hours, consult a doctor.
This 70-foot Balsam fur tree may not be as full as the 94-foot Rockefeller tree, but what it lacks in girth, it more than makes up for in its uncanny resemblance of a curved dick.
Needless to say (wow, I almost said "needles" to say because I got Christmas trees that much on my mind), Twitter did not let the likeness go unnoticed without a comment or two.
Others thought it resembled a much larger version of the Christmas tree from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." You know, that sad, withering excuse of a plant?
One person thought it was just downright embarrassing -- hey, I'm sure this dysfunction happens to a lot of adult trees.
Maybe this Christmas tree just has performance anxiety?
Regardless, I'm not going to branch-shame this Christmas tree and I won't stand for anyone who does.
It's beautiful in its own way, and no one can tell me otherwise.
I think it's just an analogy of America versus Canada.
Sure, the Rockefeller tree is gaudy and perhaps a little too into the Christmas spirit, but it's also morbidly obese and probably eats alone at Denny's on a regular basis to the point where the wait staff says, "Hey, Rocky! The usual?" and then they hand-deliver four Grand Slams.
Meanwhile, the Montreal tree is svelte, bilingual and probably has a cool art studio.