Buzzfeed Says Guys Should Masturbate With A Bar Of Soap
It seems guys will stick their dicks in just about anything.
We've all heard stories about dudes doing ridiculous things to get off, like shoving their schlongs in jacuzzi jets.
And who can forget the movie where Jason Biggs proves it's actually possible to fuck an apple pie?
If you're looking to spice up your lonely sex life, but aren't really down to bone some baked goods, you're in luck.
Apparently, BuzzFeed Motion Pictures just created a video titled "6 Easy Masturbation Hacks For Men" that shows you how to have some good, clean fun with your favorite appendage.
No, really. I'm serious. They basically want you to have sex with a bar of soap.
Yep, the masturbation hacks in this video start out pretty normal, including things like using two hands or tapping just the tip.
But then things start to get hella weird when they turn a boring old bar of soap into a bath time fuck buddy.
If the thought of killing two birds with one bar of soap arouses your interest for some reason, I'll tell you how it works.
First, the video instructs you to grab a knife and cut a hole in the middle of a bar of soap.
Once the hole has been cut to the appropriate size, they grab a makeshift banana dick and demonstrate how to use this thing as a masturbation aid.
Unfortunately, I'm not a dude so I can't give you advice on whether or not I think jerking off with a bar of soap would be enjoyable.
For all I know, this could be the greatest sex invention since the advent of fleshlight.
However, I can tell you I find it very alarming that this particular method comes with a caption that warns you to use a condom because sticking your precious manhood in a jagged tunnel of Ivory soap could result in irritation.
My next concern lies in what one is supposed to do after contaminating this jerk-off apparatus with jizz, since showering with a bar of soap that's been covered in semen sounds absolutely disgusting.