Sofia Franklyn Tells It Like It Is

“I feel like everything I’ve said is pretty messy.”

Originally Published: 
Elite Daily/Courtesy of Sofia Franklyn

Sofia Franklyn is extremely on-brand. When she came to Elite Daily’s office in late May, she walked in wearing an oversize white button-down over a dark green workout set, the standard New York City uniform for 70-degree days. “I’m literally fresh off of a one-night stand right now,” she laughs. The shirt is hers and not his, “shockingly,” she says — but we agreed the latter would have made for a better story.

For fans of Franklyn’s podcast, Sofia With an F, this moment shouldn’t come as a surprise. Blunt, provocative, and effortlessly funny, the show is a lot like its its 30-year-old host. Franklyn, who previously co-hosted Call Her Daddy, had specific goals for re-entering the podcast space in 2020. “I wanted to create something that I had 100% ownership of — something that felt more authentic to me,” says Franklyn, whose guests range from the infamous Billy McFarland to the always-viral Serena Kerrigan.

According to Franklyn, content comes first — at least for now. As she enters her self-proclaimed “single girl era” following a breakup this past spring, Franklyn wants her career to be the focus — and that means her podcast reflects her own life, messy moments included. (See: that time she drunkenly soft-launched a nonboyfriend on Instagram or when she bought a sober guest a bottle of Don Julio.) “I am literally the least private person of my own accord,” she says. “I like to talk about everything, from the fights I’ve gotten in to the sex I had last night.”

Here, Franklyn opens up about her podcast, her most controversial pieces of advice, and how single sex is different from relationship sex.

Elite Daily: You’re probably best known for your unfiltered advice. What do you consider your best piece of dating advice?

Sofia Franklyn: This is going to sound kind of messed up, but speaking specifically to women who are dating men, go into dating with your guard up a little bit. Have a roster with at least three to four guys, and date around. Don’t shut yourself off from other people until he makes a full commitment, and don’t ever ask for that commitment. If he’s not doing it a few months in, then just bounce.

Once you do let your guard down and let a guy in, you will have vetted him fully. A guy needs to show me for at least three to four months that he is going to take care of me and not f*ck me over before I’ll let him in. More girls should do that.

ED: Any tips for building a dating roster?

SF: The great thing about a roster is that it ensures you aren’t super excited about one person. I like one more than the others, but there’s no one I'm about to jump into a relationship with.

As for building a roster, just go out and meet guys. Being open is important. This could be a good or bad thing, but I’m 0% picky. I really will give a lot of guys a chance.

ED: I love that, a good strategy. What’s about the messiest piece of advice that you still like to give?

SF: I feel like everything I’ve said is pretty messy. But here it is: I do not condone cheating, but if you do end up cheating, I think that’s something that you should take to the grave, as long as you plan to never do it again in the relationship. People are going to get really upset by this.

ED: I’ve never heard that one before. What about your most controversial opinion about dating?

SF: The man should pay for everything. Period. For everything, forever and always. Till death do we part. As long as the wage gap’s there. When the wage gap disappears, call me back.

When you’re single, you don’t have someone you’re hiding behind or relying on. You have to do it all yourself, and it’s empowering.

ED: You mentioned you’re in your “newly single” era on the podcast. How has that been?

SF: After the breakup, there was zero moping time. It was a long time coming. The relationship just wasn’t a good fit from the beginning. Since we split, I’ve been going out a lot and having fun, so sometimes I get a little bit worried, wondering if it’s going to catch up with me. But I really don't think it is. It’s been almost two months, and I’ve been completely loving it. It’s the first time in my life I’ve been single-single.

ED: Now that you’re “single-single,” how do you think sex changes, going from being in a relationship to being single?

SF: I’ve found myself having a hard time navigating this, actually. Having sex with multiple partners can get a little bit tricky for me. Not that I’m against it at all, but I’ve noticed I tend to have my main guy, and then with the other ones we’ll do everything but. I want to leave some days in between seeing different guys. If not, I’m like, “He’s going to smell this other guy on me.”

At the same time, it’s been really liberating, because I've always been in a relationship and now I get to try different things with different people.

ED: What’s been the best part about dating again?

SF: The self-discovery — even just recognizing that I’m emotionally unavailable and have attachment issues. Even though I’m enjoying being fun and slutty, I do it in a very emotionally closed-off way. That’s a really eye-opening thing that I wouldn’t have learned about myself had I not entered this single phase. Boyfriends just take up so much time and energy.

The other part is just the unknown. I think that actually scares a lot of women, but I find it so refreshing, realizing that my life could go in so many different directions. It’s unlocked this totally new sense of self-confidence. When you’re single, you don’t have someone you’re hiding behind or relying on. You have to do it all yourself, and it’s empowering.

People look at me and say, ‘You’re not married with children, so why would we listen to you?’ But that’s so stupid. Like, is that everybody’s goal?

ED: Do you usually take your own dating advice?

SF: I 1,000% take my own advice. People look at me and say, “You’re not married with children, so why would we listen to you?” But that’s so stupid. Like, is that everybody’s goal? Plus, being single right now, I’ve never felt more confident and better about myself.

ED: What’s the hardest part of being in the public eye?

SF: The amount of people that have access to your mental health. People like when things get messy. They like to see people fail. And I’m in a bit of a different situation than maybe some other people. I have dealt with online bullying to such a crazy degree. I’ve been through the ringer — big time. I’m not bulletproof now. No one is, but typical hate doesn’t phase me. Like, if someone calls me ugly, that’s the sweetest message I can get. I’m like, “Oh, my God, thank you.”

ED: What’s it like to have your audience so invested in your personal relationships?

SF: I don’t hate it; I don’t love it. It is what it is. I’m not going to sit here and lie to you: It’s not that I really care about the guys or their feelings and their privacy. But now that I’m single, the guys I’m dating are going to potentially hear about each other, and the roster might not be a roster anymore.

ED: Do you notice the guys you date listen to the podcast?

SF: I’m very adamant from Day One that I don’t want them to listen because it gives them an unfair advantage. They get a look into my psyche, and they’re going to hear about a sexcapade I went on months before them. And then it becomes an issue that’s so unnecessary.

Do they follow my no-listening rule? Not necessarily. But they’ll usually come clean. I’ve never broken up with someone because of it, but it’s made me not trust them as much.

ED: On the show, you answer a lot of dating questions from women who date men. What’s it like tapping into the male brain so often?

SF: I’ve been doing it my whole life, so I don’t find it exhausting or traumatic. However, I’m very guarded. It’s a little hard for me to let my walls down when dating. I’ve had a lot of guys bring that up to me, and I’m sure it stems from always thinking like a guy.

I definitely have trust issues. What woman doesn’t? With my job, constantly tapping into the male brain, I’ve been exposed to way more negative male energy than the average girl.

ED: In an April episode of the podcast, you mentioned thinking more about bisexuality, while still not liking labels. If you feel comfortable sharing, what has that been like?

SF: High school was my earliest experience hooking up with a girl. I am not opposed to it at all. I actually could see myself going on a date or being in a relationship with a woman. However, I will say I don’t really seek that out. But I’m not closed off to it.

Would I label myself as bisexual? No. I label myself as just a straight girl. But I don’t know. Maybe I should. It’s on the spectrum.

ED: Do you think there are any misconceptions about you and your podcast?

SF: I come off very ditzy and stupid. I’m also very sarcastic and have this deadpan humor, and I don’t think it gets across all the time. People think, “Is she a f*cking idiot?” I’m not. I’m very intelligent, and I am joking 80% of the time. Maybe I need to start speaking in a British accent to sound smarter. Problem solved.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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