The Boy Is (Not) Mine
Collage of summer items and two women relaxing, featuring a bikini, cocktail, book, sunglasses, came...

A Boysober Summer Starter Pack

Free from men’s opinions, there’s no better time for you to try new things.

by Ginny Hogan

Summer is here, which means it’s time to shut your laptops, grab your friends, and hit the beach. If you want to make the most out of this summer, you don’t want to be weighed down by drama. For this reason, TikTok has latched on to the “boysober” movement, a term coined by comedian Hope Woodard to unlearn toxic relationship patterns and get re-acquainted with what you really want from dating.

It’s like celibacy, but more all-encompassing — being boysober means avoiding dating apps, crushes, situationships, and letting men take up any space in your brain. To give this a try, here are all the tools you need to make the most of it.

  • Astrology books: Men hate astrology, which has never made sense because they also love explaining why women are in bad moods. But you love astrology and you know crystals work, so you don’t need to deal with some annoying dude telling you all that witchy stuff is fake.
  • Yogurt: Yogurt is one of many nonmale foods, because dudes don’t get gut health. Since you’re not packing snacks for your boyfriend, you can bring exactly what you want. You can even spend three minutes reading all the ingredient lists; you’re boysober, so no one’s rushing you.
  • The hottest swimsuit you can find: Looking good is not about impressing some dude — it’s about Instagram. And also, feeling good. So get the swimsuit that makes you feel best, and do not take it off until September.
  • Taylor Swift tickets: You might have to fly to Europe to make this affordable, but at least you don’t have some guy with you referring to her as “Travis Kelce’s girlfriend.”
  • Expensive sunscreen: You don’t need to share with a man-child who doesn’t pack his own, so it’s finally time to opt for SPF 110. Is it more effective than SPF 30? Who cares? Is there any science backing up the mineral versus chemical debate? IDK, I’m not a doctor! Get the kind you like, and use it as much as you want.
  • Crocs: They’re honestly so comfy, and they give you a way cooler tan than flip-flops. You don’t need to be stylish; you can dress for yourself.
  • Art supplies: Or sewing supplies, or construction supplies, or gardening supplies, or really, anything you ever wanted to do for fun but didn’t have the time because you were busy going on Hinge dates. Summer is the time to relax and finally live the way you want to.
  • A notebook: Without all your energy going into texting your crush, you can finally start keeping a journal. Or doodling, or brainstorming some recipes.
  • A manageable beach umbrella: Dudes are obsessed with finding the heaviest, most complicated beach umbrella they can to show off their building skills. But you’re boysober, so you can get a small, lightweight, effective beach umbrella that shades just you.
  • A skateboard: They’re perfect for beach boardwalks, and you don’t want to worry about some guy mansplaining to you how to use them.
  • A Polaroid camera: This is absolutely going to be a summer to remember, so get the camera of your dreams. You don’t have to drag around an Instagram boyfriend who makes fun of women’s obsession with photos (sorry I like to remember fun times?), so you can really invest.
  • Sunglasses: There’s no need for sexy, flirty eye contact. You can actually let your eyes know summertime peace.
  • Margarita mix: The only dating advice my mom ever gave me was to ask men what “IPA” stands for. It’s brilliant, and it gets to a much deeper truth: Men love beer, almost as much as they love explaining things. But if you want a girly, refreshing summer drink that doesn’t appeal to most dudes, boysober summer is your chance.
  • The best new rom-com novel: I once got very annoyed at a bookstore that had a section called “light reads” made up entirely of books written by women. OK, they *were* kind of light reads, and the man I complained to wasn’t responsible for it, but still. Required boring summer reading hasn’t been a thing since you were a kid. If you don’t have a judgy man around to mock your taste, get whatever you want.
  • Your girlfriends: You need someone to hang out with, after all. And they’re way more fun, plus they pack their own sunscreen and yogurt.
  • Vibrators: For obvious reasons. This can be helpful even if you’re not boysober, because men aren’t really getting the job done.