Fighting with your partner may really be a bummer, but if there is one silver lining, it’s that after all the fighting, processing of feelings, and working things out, comes the best part: Kissing and making up. Yep, I'm talking about makeup sex. It really is the rainbow at the end of the storm. But why is makeup sex so good? Because it is — it really, really is.
To help answer this question, I reached out to Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast,to ask what it is about makeup sex that makes it so different, and if we can channel some of that energy to spice up sex in other circumstances — so that you can have all the great sex, without the fight. Good news: O'Reilly says you definitely can. This is good because, while the post-fight hookup may feel amazing, O'Reilly says the experts are split on whether it's actually good for you.
"Some psychologists believe that it rewards fighting, drama, and generally bad behavior,” O’Reilly explains. “They suggest that couples are dealing with intensely negative emotions and instead of finding a resolution, they seek an opposite experience: pleasure in sex. They argue that this type of sex isn’t 'real intimacy' and that it can lead to loneliness and the belief that everything can be fixed with sex. What a world it would be if this were true!"
But O'Reilly has a more positive outlook on makeup sex: "If the only way you resolve conflicts is through sex, I might buy into this theory. However, if you also address disagreements through communication, compromise and an action-plan for moving forward, I say go ahead and indulge in makeup sex if it tickles your fancy. After all, learning to fight effectively is a huge accomplishment. And the intense emotions and the sense of moving forward together can make post-fight sex hot and functional." But why exactly is makeup sex so amazing? Here's how O'Reilly explains it.